287: [RANT] Your Health and Weight Aren’t The Same Thing

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 287. 

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey,hey, hey! Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, and today on the podcast we have a RANT episode. Now, if you are new around here, every once in a while I label an episode as a RANT episode and that is kind of key and clue that I'm just going to hit record and start talking about something that I think is really important. Typically on these episodes I don't really create an outline, I don't flush out my thoughts beforehand. I just kind of hit record and allow myself to just share and talk about something that I think is important. And the fact that I label it a RANT episode gives me a little bit in my mind, gives me a little bit more freedom to speak unfiltered, to just say what's on my mind and just kind of jam on a topic that I think is really important. And this topic that we're talking about today is one that I think is very important. I do a lot of coaching in my business. Obviously it's a big part of my business and I do a lot of coaching inside of our signature program at MACROS 101, I do a lot of coaching inside of our continuing coaching program, Beyond. I do a lot of coaching for our TMCC, our certification clients. I do a lot of coaching for our own coaches and my own team members, like coaching is a very, very big part of what I do. And I would say that I coach on this topic at least once every round of MACROS 101. And it comes up every several months inside of Beyond. It's just a topic that is a really important one to talk about because I think it's something that a lot of people haven't separated out in their minds, so I want to start this conversation. The topic is your health and weight are not the same thing. And so the reason that this topic is one that I think is so important to discuss is because a lot of times in our thinking we take two things that are not the same and we collapse them down and make them the same thing.  

The problem of collapsing two different things into one 03:04 

OK, so stay with me on this because this is actually a really important topic to start to be aware of in your own thinking. So let me say that again, a lot of times we take two things that are not actually the same, but we collapse them down in our brain and we make them the same thing. And this can be a shortcut for our thinking, it can be a way that we shortcut and we're able to, our brain is really good at combining like things, we look for differences, we use comparison with our brain to be able to make sense of the word, right? That's part of the human brain and how the human brain thinks is by comparison, is by saying this is like this, this isn't like this, and that's how we can make sense of the world. So, a lot of times, in order to shortcut our thinking, we’ll take two things that are different and will collapse them down and make them the same thing. So, it's a normal natural part of our brain. And it doesn't always cause problems. For example, do we really need to split hairs most of the time between the difference between I'm mad and I'm angry? Are there differences? Maybe. Maybe there's subtle differences, but in in general we can kind of use those two words and they mean mostly the same thing and we don't really need to split hairs and say, well, what are the nuance differences of someone who's mad versus the nuanced differences of someone who's angry? So that's an example where, you know collapsing those down, they kind of just mean the same thing. We use them interchangeably. It's not that big of a deal. It's a shortcut for language, but often sometimes this can actually cause problems, and in this context of health and weight this is an area that I see it causing problems more often than not.  

Recognizing that people see the world differently 04:41 

Now, before we dive into what I see as the biggest problems and some of the ways that we can start to think about this differently, I do think it's important to take a step back and recognize that we all have a certain experience of the world and we go through life, we go through our day, we experience it as an individual, and that experience is different. This is a really important concept to understand, especially when you're trying to communicate and have relationships with other people. For a lot of my life, and this is where I laugh because I feel silly saying this, but I think this is more common than we like to think but for a lot of my life and I think this also, is a part of a maturing process. For a lot of my life, I assumed that everybody generally saw the world the same way that I saw the world like it, we were, we just saw the world the same way like, we're going through the same things, we're seeing the same, having the same experiences. We're all in the same classroom or whatever it is. I just assumed that everybody was experiencing the world the way that I was experiencing it, and again, I think this is an immature way of thinking. This is a more childlike way of thinking. Most children have this feeling that like, their way is the right way. And of course, everybody sees the world that they, the way they say they see the world. I see this a lot when I'm talking with my kids and there's some sort of conflict between two children and it, you know, happens upstairs. And then they both run downstairs and they are trying to explain what happened and both of them very much feel like the way that they experienced the interaction is the real way that it happened, right? There's the, in their brains there's not really this space or allowance that somebody else's experience of the exact same occurrence could be different than theirs. And could be just as valid, right, that you experienced that, you know, one child experienced it one way and the other child experienced it another way and that both of those are valid experiences of the same exact thing. Kids don't really get that. And so it is part of a maturing process to start to realize that maybe the way that you see the world isn't 100%. The only way that it can be seen and that somebody else's viewpoint is just as valid as yours. Like they can go through the same experience and have a completely different experience of it and that is also valid.  

I had a waking up moment. I guess my waking up moment of this realization that, ohh people really see the world different than I do was when I was in a mastermind and we had a personality expert come into the mastermind and talk about different personalities and he kind of sectioned us off into different groups and talked about, you know, some of the strengths and some of the deficits with each of the different personality types. And I remember he was talking about my personality type. And he was saying that this, this personality type is very linear thinking, is very, is able to take big concepts and break them down into like a step-by-step process. My type really likes the 1234, the ABCD, it doesn't like more direct style of communication, wants to get to the end destination quicker versus some of the other types which were much more ethereal, were much more idealistic and broad, and more general and less linear in their thinking. And I remember listening to this personality expert saying this to me and I mean all of that rings true. I think it's one of the reasons that I'm a good coach. I think it's one of the reasons I'm a good teacher is I'm able to take these hard concepts and I'm able to break them down into a step-by-step process that a lot of people can learn from, a lot of people can understand, a lot of people can digest and gain that information. I think it's one of the things that makes me a really good educator and a really good coach. But I remember as he's telling me these things. And I'm like, yes, yes, yes, that all makes sense. That is definitely me. I remember and I said this to him. I said, But can't everybody do that? And I remember the room, right, because I'm sitting in a room with a bunch of my peers. The room turned to me and you know most of the room was like, no, that is not our talent. Like, I actually have a really hard time with that. I can't do that and it was this, it was this pinnacle moment of this realization of, ohh, something that I take for granted, that comes really easy to me is actually a gift of mine that not everybody else has, and it was at this moment that I really understood that people see the world differently than I do, and that I have special gifts that make the way that I see the world work and other people have special gifts that make the way that they see the world work, doesn't mean that I'm right or wrong or better or worse than anybody else, it's just a different perspective. So, that was a really eye opening moment for me. 

Language as a reflection of someone's inner world 09:45 

Now the reason that I bring this into this conversation is because we all experience the world differently. We have different experiences. And the single, only way for us to be able to communicate our experience of the world is through language, is through the words that we use. Our words paint the picture of our world to those we are interacting with, it's literally the only way that I can communicate what's going on inside of my head, inside of my world. It's the only way that I can communicate it to somebody else is through language and so language is really, really important to think about and to understand because it is that reflection of somebody else's inner world. So why am I, why am I even like talking about this? Because this idea that sometimes we take two separate objects and we collapse them down into one and it becomes a problem, is an element of language. So oftentimes we'll have two different words and I use the example of like mad and angry, right? Maybe those are like two words that collapsing them down is like not really that big of a deal, but if I said what's the difference between anger and frustration? Most people would say, yeah, there's a difference there. There's a nuance difference to those that is actually really important. When I use the words I'm angry, I'm communicating something different about what's happening inside of me than when I communicate that I'm frustrated. And so these words that we use oftentimes are the slight differences, are communicating slight differences in our internal world and that's why we have a very broad language, right. It's why we have words, thousands and thousands and hundreds of thousands of words, and that's why we have a lot of, like, similes, where it's like a word that kind of means the same thing but is slightly different. 

Importance of setting clear goals for health and weight 11:40 

OK, so with that foundation and understanding laid, let's now move this into the realm of health and fitness. One of the most important questions that I ask clients when they first start out is, what do you want or set another way, what is your goal? Identifying and being able to communicate what your goal is, is really important because the end destination that you want to end up at needs to be decided before we can figure out the path to get there, you know, taken in a very literal context, the path to get to New York is very different from the path to get to Miami. And so, if you just set out on a road trip and you're just like a road trip, I don't know where I'm going, you will end up somewhere. But it may not be where you actually want to end up. And so being able to set out and say no, I want to end up in New York and then reverse engineering or backtracking that and saying if I am in California and I want to end up to New York, I have to take this path to be able to get there. It's the same thing for our fitness journey, and so figuring out the end destination of where you want to end up is always the first step because it then helps us to figure out, OK, what are the steps that I need to do to get there. So, it's one of the questions that I asked clients first, and oftentimes the initial answer that a client gives to me is superficial and I don't mean superficial, but I, like vain. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying superficial as it's like the, just the uppermost part of what they want. It isn't actually communicating their deeper wants and or needs, it's staying surface level and so that will often sound like, what do you, you know what's your goal? What do you want? Oh, I want to lose weight. Right, great. There's nothing wrong with that goal but it is very surface level, it's not very deep. There's not much substance or understanding what that actually means to you, because I will tell you, having worked with thousands of clients, when some, when one person says I want to lose weight, that can be a very different thing that they're trying to communicate to me than when another person says they're trying to lose weight, they can both use the same words. I want to lose weight. But they're trying to communicate very different things to me with those words. And so, my job as a coach is to get a lot clearer and help. I want to understand their world. I want to understand what they're thinking. I want to understand where they want to go, because the more nuance I can bring out, the more information I can bring out about their exact location that they want to end up, the more I can help them craft a path to get there, right.  

If a client, that's the essence, essentially a client saying to me, I want to end up in New York and I'm like, OK, well New York is a very big state. Where in New York do you want to end up? right? The more specific I can get about the exact location that they want to end up, I want to end up in this, you know, city, in this hotel, in this hotel room. I'm, I as a coach, I'm going to be able to help better guide them to that exact location that they want to get but a big problem is a lot of times clients are very broad and they say things like I want to end to New York, I want to lose weight and if we just stick with that superficial, and again, not superficials in vain, but like superficials like surface-level goal, their likelihood of actually ending up where they're thinking in their brain is less. So, when clients say something like, I want to lose weight. I say great, but I dig a little deeper and I try to flush things out more. And one of the things that often will come up when I do this with clients and I dig a little deeper as to what is driving this desire to lose weight, very, very often I will come across the fact that they are collapsing down this idea of weight loss and being healthier and they have in their head that if they lose weight, they will be healthier and so this desire for health, which I think is a great desire, I think we, I think if you ask any human being on in the world, they have a desire to be healthy. This desire to be healthy and to have a healthy body is what they want. It's the location that they want to end up with. But they're communicating it through this goal of losing weight. They've taken these two things that are actually different. They're different end results, they're different goals and they've collapsed them down and made them the same thing. And so in their mind, they can say I want to lose weight and that means I want to lose weight and if I lose weight, I'm going to be healthier and so that's what I want. I want to be healthier, so then ergo, I need to lose weight.  

The correlation between weight and health 16:24 

And it's super important as a coach that I help people to separate those two things because they aren't the same thing, they're not the same thing. Losing, if they were, and if there was a direct relationship, meaning A always equals B, then anybody who lost weight would be healthier. And we all know that that's not true because one of the things I learned in Nursing school was the word cachexia, and this is a word that is often used with cancer patients. Cancer patients often lose their appetite, and they often lose weight. This can be sometimes one of the first signs of having cancer is this sudden and rapid weight loss, and it's called cachexia. So, if weight loss always produced better health, then cachexia would be healthy and it is very much not. So, it's really important in a lot of people's mind they've created this one-to-one relationship that weight loss equals more healthy. And then conversely, if that's true in your brain, if it's true that the less you weigh, the healthier you are, then there's also a problem because the inverse also has to be true, right? If the less you weigh the healthier you are then, the more you weigh the less healthy you are. See how that works in our brain? It's like if one has to be true, then the inverse of it has to be true as well. And this is where we get women who have a real struggle with putting on weight. Who maybe say they want to put on muscle, but then they really struggle continuing with that when they see the scales start to go up and a lot of times it's because of these ingrained belief of the heavier I am, the less healthier I am. And so when they see that scale going up, they can't let go of that. They can't let go of that belief that the scale going up means I'm less healthy. And oftentimes people aren't even aware that they have this programming in them. They just know that they felt very uncomfortable when they see the scale go up and they feel way more comfortable when they see the scale going down. But oftentimes we dig into that, like what's prompting you to have this emotional reaction when the scale goes up versus when the scale goes down is that there is programming where they believe the lighter I am, the healthier I am. The heavier I am, the less healthy I am. And it's very easy to see if that's your programming, if that's what you're running off of, then of course, it makes sense that you would have an emotional response when you see the scale go down or the scale go up. 

Health is found in behaviors, not weight 18:54 

So how do we stop, start to separate those in our brain because some of you are listening, saying, gosh, I never even realized that. But that is one of the reasons that I have an emotional response to the scale. And that's starting to ring true that maybe and this was probably programming you weren't even aware that you were carrying around. It's like rocks in your backpack that somebody put in there a long, long time ago, and you're now just realizing they're there and starting to wonder how, OK, how do I break this program and how do I move past it? And here is the phrase that I tell my clients all the time. Health is found in behaviors, not in a weight. Health is found in behaviors, not a weight. So, what does that mean? It means that behaviors that are healthy, are healthy irrespective of if they cause you to lose weight or not. An example, working out is healthy, creates a healthier body even if it doesn't promote or produce weight loss. Somebody who will just take a random number, somebody who weighs 200 lbs. You take two people who weigh 200lbs and you take one of those 200-lb people and you have them work out and the other 200-lb person is sedentary. Even if it does not promote weight loss, the person who is 200lbs and working out is healthier than the person, usually than the person who is not working out. Hence, the health is found in the behavior of working out, not in the result that it creates when it comes to weight loss specifically. So, understanding that is really important because when we confabulate the two, when we confabulate health and we can confabulate weight with that, what happens is we only do healthy behaviors if they promote and produce weight loss. And so, the number of people who I see starting to eat healthy and, you know, starting to eat more vegetables, starting more protein, whatever it is, starting to eat healthier and then getting discouraged, if and when it does not produce weight loss and then quitting those healthy behaviors is a lot. And you can see how that starts to become a problem. It’s like that behavior of eating more vegetables, eating more fiber, eating less processed food, is a healthy behavior irrespective of if it causes you to lose weight or not. So if you get discouraged and you say, well the only reason I'm eating these vegetables is because I want to lose weight and I'm not and it's not causing me to lose weight then what happens is you often stop eating the vegetables and that is a healthy behavior, irrespective of whether or not it increases or decreases how much you weigh. Now, where this gets tricky and where people tend to start to hold on to this and struggle to let go of this programming that they have is that there is some correlation, some correlation between weight and health but it is not nearly as strong as most people think that it is. There is some research that shows that it decrease in weight in some people in specific populations with specific disease processes that weight loss in and of itself can be healthier. Right. However, the problem is we've taken this and we've extrapolated it to everybody in every situation who weighs any amount and that becomes a real problem because now again, when we don't see weight loss, we stop those healthy behaviors and they are health-promoting whether or not they're, you're losing weight from them. So again, health is found in behaviors, not in your weight. And when we can focus on behaviors, that's something that's in your control. 

The role of macros in promoting healthy behaviors 22:55  

If you've taken MACROS 101, or you've listened to much of the podcast, you've probably heard me talk about the difference between outcome goals and process goals. I think I outlined this entirely in Episode 92, where I talk all about goals. But it's a really important distinction between the difference of a process goal and an outcome goal, and outcome goal is what you would like to have happen. However, outcome goals are often not within your control. There's a lot of things that are outside of your control, and that's very different from a process goal which is entirely within your control. It's something that you have full control over, whether or not it happens. So, an example would be, I want to lose weight is an outcome goal, but I will eat four fruits and vegetables today, is a process goal. That's something that you have full control over and yeah it may drive you towards that outcome goal. That's kind of the hope that we have is we're trying to come up with process goals that will drive us to the outcome goal, but understanding that you eating those four fruits and vegetables today is going to promote health, even if it's not driving you to that outcome goal of weight loss. And that's where it could become really powerful when we recognize that health is found in behaviors, not weight, because at the end of the day, I think most people that I talked to, if I force them in a theoretical world, and you can even do this thought experiment with yourself right now, if you're someone who wants to lose weight and be healthier and I forced you in a theoretical world to rank those and I said you can have one, but not the other, you can either be healthy or you can have weight, so you're going to be healthy and not lose any weight. Healthier and not lose any weight or you can lose weight, but not be any healthier. Which would you prioritize? Which would be the one that you would pick? It's a good thought experiment to do. You know, take a moment to, like, actually reflect on this.  

Most people when pressed like that will say that the health is more important to them. Because ultimately, what we really do want is longevity and ability to do things and ability to show up in the world and be with the people that we love and be able to be on this earth for as long as possible. Most of us when push comes to shove, we would rather be healthy than skinny, but when you collapse those down and you think that they're the same thing and you think that skinny equals healthy and not skinny equals not healthy, that's a problem because they aren't the same thing and we start focusing, many of us start focusing on the wrong things. We focus on the wrong actions. When we say take a step back and recognize that what we really want is health and that health is found in behaviors. So, then we can be asking or we can take a step back and ask ourselves the question, what behaviors could I add or take away that would increase or promote health? Again, irrespective of weight loss, now I'm not saying weight loss is bad. I'm not saying it's a bad goal. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to lose weight. I'm not saying that it's, you know, you're focusing on the wrong things. I'm not trying to say any of those things. I respect and support all types of goals that people want to have. I think setting a goal and working to achieve it, whatever it is, grows you in a way that nothing else can, so I think there's inherent value in all goals that we set, but we want to make sure that we're focusing on what we actually want, not what we just say that we want and if what you actually want is to be healthier, then focusing on your behaviors is what's going to get you there. 

Health at any size and destigmatizing food 26:35  

So, then how do we bring macros into this conversation? Because there is this, like nuance and there is this balance when it comes to producing healthy behaviors, but doing it in a way that is separate from shame. So, and that's where the, like to me, this is where the tool of macro counting really shines and really comes in is that, we all know that eating vegetables are healthy. We all know that increasing our fiber is healthy. We all know that eating more whole foods is healthy. We all like, we all know, we all know the things that are going to make us healthier. The problem that I see with a lot of people when they start focusing on healthy behaviors is that the tool that they use to promote those healthy behaviors is shame and guilt. Right. I should eat the salad, not the burger. And if I eat the burger, then I beat myself up and I feel guilt and shame and all these negative emotions. Thinking that that's going to promote me next time to choose the salad, but what happens is the exact opposite for most of us, is that guilting and that shaming doesn't actually help us to have healthier behaviors. It backfires. And so this is where I think macros can be brought into this conversation of helping to destigmatize food, of helping to neutralize food as not good or bad or moral or unmoral or healthy or not healthy, but rather neutralize it and be able to make more logical decisions about what you want and not having shame and guilt drive ship. 

OK. So yes, eating a salad is going to be more health-promoting most of the time, not all the time, because we don't know in the salad versus the burger and there's lots of variables here. But like, I'm just making a broad sweeping generalization, eating salad is maybe more healthy than eating the burger. Maybe more health-promoting than eating the burger. But if the way that you're trying to get yourself to eat the dang salad is by guilt and shame, it's never going to work. It's never going to work long-term. And so macros helps us to take a step back. It helps us to neutralize food, to stop making these decisions based off of emotion, based off of guilt, based off of shame and instead make more logical decisions about what we want. And making a more empowered decision about what you desire and being able to line your choices up with what you desire rather than what most people do just go through life in this victim mentality. Life is happening to me. I can't. I'm not, you know, the creator of my world. I'm out of control. Things are just happening and I can't. I don't have any control. That's how most people go through life and macros really helps people to be able to regain that control, to be able to make a decision between the salad and the burger. And make it from a really healthy place, like a healthy mindset place. And knowing that if you choose the burger, there doesn't have to be guilt and shame associated with that and if you choose the salad, that doesn't mean that you are better and that you are, you know, above everybody else. Sometimes we get people like that. They think they're better than everybody else because they eat the salad and everybody else is eating the burger. No, like macros helps us to break all of that down. And helps us to come from a really empowered place of just asking ourselves. What do I want? And how can I make decisions that line up with that? How can I be in control of my life? and what I find with a lot of people is when they're given the permission to eat the ice cream, they're given the permission to have the burger, they're given the permission and by given, I mean they give themselves the permission because I'm not granting anybody permission. That's not my job.

Separating health and weight, focusing on behaviors 30:15 

Sometimes I think, people think that that's my job is like to wave my magic wand, and like grant you permission to do the things that you want to do. That's my job, but you're given when you actually give yourself permission to make the choice, you actually give yourself permission to drink the soda or not. What happens, what people think happens is, oh, I'm just going to eat, drink all the soda. I'm just gonna eat all the cake. I’m just gonna gorge myself on ice cream every single night, and that may happen a little bit at the beginning, because it's kind of a backfiring effect from the restriction that you've had for a really long time. What I find is, when you really allow yourself the ability to choose overtime, you actually will choose a lot more healthier options than you did when guilt and shame was the tool that you were using to try and force yourself into choosing those healthier options. So that's kind of where I see this overlap with this idea. And you know, kind of some of the things are talking about, I do want to to bring in this concept of health at any size, because this is a movement that has, is not my movement right? Is this idea of promoting health in behaviors? Is this idea of health at any size? There's a lot of research that shows that what, again, what makes somebody healthy is what they do, not necessarily the weight that they are and that there are people who are “overweight” but very healthy with all their health markers, because of the behaviors that they do, and there are people who are, “healthy weight” who are less healthy because of the behaviors that they do. And so health at any size or haze is another way. You'll hear it gets a lot of flack because people think it's just giving people permission to just be fat. There's a lot of fat phobia, even associated with someone saying that, but that's not the goal of the movement. The movement is really a focus on how do you practice healthy behaviors and separate them in your mind from weight because they aren't the same thing. 

And I started this conversation talking about how the biggest problem is when we confabulate 2 things that aren't actually the same thing. When we take them in our language and in our thinking, and we combine them and make them the same thing, health and weight are not the same thing. And so we need to separate them out. We need to recognize that losing weight is not the same thing as getting healthier. Getting healthier is not necessarily the same thing as losing weight. Can there be overlap? Yes. Is there always overlap? No. And so if your real goal is to be healthier, that is found in behaviors. And so you can ask yourself the question, what is one healthy behavior I could implement today? That's a fantastic question to ask yourself and you probably already have an answer to that. What's one healthy behavior that you could add today that would make you a little healthier? Maybe it's going for a walk. Maybe it's eating an extra vegetable. Maybe it's consuming more protein. Maybe it's hitting the gym, maybe it's getting more sleep. Maybe it's doing a meditation and destressing right? These are all healthy behaviors, whether or not they produce weight loss. And so when we focus on the thing that we actually want, we are much more likely to get it. And for most people, what they actually want is to be healthy. Ooh, that was a fun one. I hope that that got your brain thinking. I hope that got your wheels turning. I hope you're coming away with maybe a more nuanced understanding of the difference between health and weight, and I hope that guides you and helps you along in your fitness journey.  

If you want more support through your journey and you want more coaching, I highly recommend getting on the wait list for MACROS 101. You can go to bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist, get on the wait list there when we open doors to MACROS 101, those people will be the first to know. And so if you want support and help and coaching in your journey, that is the place to go bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist. If you enjoy this episode, do me a favor, put it on your social media or share it with a friend. And please, please, please take the three to five minutes to leave a rating and review. That is one of the best ways that you can support the podcast, is one of the best ways that you can help us to continue to grow and to be able to get this content out to more people. Man, can you imagine what the world would be like if more women understood and were able to separate out in their mind the difference between health and weight, like it would change the world. So, let's get this content out there. You can help by sharing the podcast and leaving a rating and review. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.  

Outro

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