393: How to Stay Consistent With Your Fitness Goals as a Mom | Replay from Beyond The Bikini Radio

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 393.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and today's episode is a little different. I was actually interviewed on my friend, Nicole's podcast. She hosts the Beyond The Bikini Radio podcast. And after she did the interview with me, I thought she asked some really, really great questions. And I thought the conversation that we had was something that I thought a lot of my followers would want to hear as well. And so that's why I'm bringing it onto the podcast today. So in this episode, what I really loved about it is that we really dove into what it's like to have fitness goals as a mom. And I know a lot of you, some of you aren't moms, but a lot of you are moms. And there is a little bit of nuance that comes and a little bit of balancing that comes when you're trying to do a lot of the things that we try to do as moms, take care of our kids, take care of our partner, uh, you know, and then also have space and room for our goals. And I really firmly believe that you don't have to choose between being a mom and providing for your kids, supporting your kids, and then also being able to live a very full life that is full of your desires and full of your goals. And so that's what we're talking about today on the episode. And I hope that as you hear me talk about how I've tracked macros and the different phases that I've been through and sharing some of the insights that I have as I've, you know, been through my own fitness journey that I hope that it will give you some tips for how do you balance family meals? How do you get away from having to take care of everybody else and starting to push your dreams and desires and goals a little bit closer to the top of your to-do list? I also dive into, you know, what's the difference between consistency and perfection and how we really find that balance. So if you've ever wondered how to actually stay on track without feeling like you are leaving your family behind or you feel a little bit overwhelmed in trying to prioritize your goals, this episode is for you. So let's dive in.

Nicole Ferrier 02:58

Welcome back guys to another episode of Beyond the Bikini Radio. Today we have Amber Brueseke on. Welcome.

Amber B 03:05

Awesome. Thanks for having me. 

Nicole Ferrier 03:07

I feel like people know you more from your Instagram handle.

Amber B 03:09

Yeah. When people see me in like real life, they're always like, you're Biceps After Babies. I'm like, yeah, my name's Amber, but yes. 

Nicole Ferrier 03:17

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I remember stumbling upon your page back in like 2020. And I felt like the name was like super cute. 

Amber B 03:27

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's one of them. I always say it's like one of the most creative things I've ever done is come up with the name.

Nicole Ferrier 03:33

Right. And you snagged it before anyone else. Thank God.

Amber B 03:37

Right. Exactly. 

Nicole Ferrier 03:39

Well, obviously in the name, it's very clear that you're a mom and you know, fitness is a big part of your life. I would love to hear a little bit more on how you got to this place in the first place of helping your clients and being in the fitness industry. 

Amber B 03:56

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So I, some of my earliest memories are actually of my mom taking me to the YMCA because she was a group fitness instructor. She taught old school aerobics, step aerobics. And so I remember she would, I'm the oldest of seven and she would take us to the YMCA, drop us off at the kids care. And there was like this little window between the kids care and the group X room. And I remember like watching my mom as she's teaching classes. So from a very young age, it was, it was really modeled for me. That exercise was just something that you did. It was very normalized. It was something that my mom really prioritized in her life. And she didn't say that to me. She just showed me it through us going to the gym and like very consistently. And so when I turned 14 years old, that was a big birthday for me because at the YMCA you have to be 14 years old to go into the weight room. And I remember when I was 14 years old, my mom took me into the weight room and she showed me the machines and she showed me the dumbbells. And from a very young age, she really normalized women lifting weights, which I, for me, it was not weird. It was very normal. But the more I talked to people, I realized what a unique upbringing that was, where it just, a lot of people just don't get that normalized from a young age that, you know, guys lift weights, but like, do females really lift weights? So for me, it was something I saw my mom lifting. I saw her always prioritizing her health and fitness. And I'm really happy that I had that growing up because it really instilled that into me from a very young age, that working out isn't selfish, that taking time for yourself as a mom. I mean, my mom had seven kids, right? It was a thing to like go to the gym and to prioritize that, but she always did it. And it really set that up for me as kind of, that's just how the world works. 

So I went off to college, got my degree in nursing, became a nurse and worked in critical care. And I had my first baby at this time. And I remember like I still went to the weight room, like when I was pregnant with my baby. And you know, because again, it was my mom had seven kids. I saw her, I was the oldest. So I saw her through all of her pregnancies work out. And, um, you know, that that was just normal for me. So I had my first child and at that point my husband was in medical school. I was going to the gym at the medical school and they didn't have childcare. And so once I had my first baby, it was like, what am I going to do with this baby? I can't go to the gym like I used to go to. And so, uh, that was when I, um, my friend was like, Hey, come over to this other gym. They have childcare. And I really started going to group fitness classes, fell in love with it, started teaching group fitness classes. And, um, it's a long story, but, uh, at that point, my husband went into residency and I was like, I can't work. I had two babies by that point. I can't work, have my husband in residency. It's just us doesn't work anymore. So I decided to stay home and move away from nursing. And that was when fitness was like, okay, well, I saw my mom do this where I saw my mom have lots of kids and still be able to have something for herself and still be able to participate in fitness. And so I said, I'm going to the gym anyway, I might as well teach. So I got my group X certification and started there. And that is really what like kind of moved me from nursing into more of the fitness realm. And, um, and then that transitioned into teaching for, I probably taught for like eight or so years, loved it, love group fitness. But I got to the point where my body, I just felt like my body wasn't changing. Like it just kind of always looked the same and I was kind of plateaued and I didn't really have a whole lot of muscle mass.

And I stumbled, I was on Pinterest, funny enough. And I remember scrolling and I saw this picture of this woman and she was talking about, I, IFYM, it was what it was called back then. And if it fits your macros, and I had never heard of this before. And so I clicked on that link and I started reading on this blog. And you know, I have a background in nursing. I have a background in science and biochemistry. And as I'm reading through this, I was like, well, this actually makes like nutritional sense. This actually makes like logical sense. Diets didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but this was like, well, this is actually founded in nutrition. So I decided to start my experiment, my end of one experiment saying, I'm going to try this, this counting macros thing. And I was floored in like eight weeks. I had lost like eight to 10 pounds. I like finally had abs for the first time. This was post now for babies, finally had abs for the first time. And it just blew my mind. How, uh, how much body composition change I could have when my nutrition was also aligned with my goals. Like the workouts were no big deal. Like I worked out almost too much, you know, but it was like, my nutrition was that missing piece. And when I clicked that piece into place, my body responded. And so I was like, this is amazing. More people need to know about this. And I decided to start this little Instagram account, not because I wanted to start a business, but because I just was like super excited about what I was learning. And I just wanted to share with people. And that's where the name Biceps After Babies came from because I, you know, I was post four babies, got a six pack for the first time in my life. And I really wanted women to understand that just because you've had kids doesn't mean your fittest days are behind you. And so I started this Instagram account. People started asking me to coach them. And I mean, that was like the start of my business back in 20, 2016. And since then we've had over 10,000 women go through our programs, coached lots and lots of women. And it's like, I, I wake up excited that this is what I get to do every single day of my life. 

Nicole Ferrier 09:39

A couple of key points that, you know, stick out to me in your story is group fitness. And the fact that I feel like the fitness world still moves more towards like body weight and like high rep, like low weight type of movements for women. And, you know, I see lots of people in group fitness who are extremely consistent. They do multiple classes per week. And like you said, said like their bodies, just don't change. And then when you were able to experience some weight training and macro tracking, you start to notice the composition changes. And quite honestly, like our workouts, that alone isn't going to be the biggest driver in changing the way your physique looks like it's going to be your nutrition. And I think initially can feel super overwhelming, but when you actually break it down and you just take some time to understand what's in your food and, you know, actually flip the label around and read it and understand portion sizes, like it actually becomes pretty easy. And what's motivating is seeing and feeling the changes. Like I know for myself, when I went from just like calorie counting and like going off of these, like absurd food rules, that didn't make any sense. Like when I started to actually eat enough protein and eat enough, even like carbohydrates, like I felt so much better, but I was also looking a lot better too. 

Amber B 11:06

Yes. Yeah. I mean, I just think the knowledge, the lack of knowledge that most general population people have about nutrition is, is a huge hole in their, in their understanding and being able to get to where they want to go in terms of physique and macro counting really for me. And I knew a lot about nutrition already, like I, but I learned so much about what my body needed. And like you said, how little protein I was eating and the balance between proteins and carbohydrates and eating enough food and I'm feeling well around workouts. And those were all things that this tool taught me. And to your point, I think a lot of people feel like when they start counting macros, it is, it takes more time. It takes more thought. It takes more energy, but it is a learning curve that on the other side of it becomes very simple. It's kind of like riding a bike, right? Riding a bike took a lot of time, energy and attention or driving a car at the very beginning. Right. I have teenagers now, so I've taught two of my kids to drive. And every time I like start to teach a new kid to drive, it's like, Oh my gosh, I have to tell them every little thing. They have to think about everything. Right. Pulling out of the driveway is like think about every single little thing. And now I drive down the street and it's like, no big deal. I just kind of do all those things habitually. And it's the same thing with macro tracking. Like there is a learning curve. And once you understand your nutrition and you have like learned portion sizes and you know what your body needs, it is a lot easier and you can make those decisions so much faster and with less energy or effort. 

Nicole Ferrier 12:34

Yeah. And there's like nothing bad of making mistakes. So you're supposed to make mistakes when you start something new. Like, I'm sure you're, I'm sure you didn't master your macros right off the bat. Like I, I know for me, like it took me forever to get consistent because I would just wing it each and every single day. And then I was like, Oh, I could actually just like prelog my day, you know, that was like groundbreaking to me 10 years ago. 

Amber B 12:58

Right, right, right. Because that's how much was so much of us live our life when it comes to food is just winging it. And so even thinking ahead for most of us is kind of revolutionary. Um, and planning ahead and thinking, what am I going to eat today rather than what did I eat today? 

Nicole Ferrier 13:13

Yeah. I like to tell people too, like you have to figure out what you're going to eat. So why not just have some structure with it? 

Amber B 13:20

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And if you can make those decisions ahead of time, that's the thing that I find with people with like pre-logging or planning out their day ahead of time, if they've never done something like that before, is they're like, I spend so much less time and energy making decisions during the day. You know, it's kind of like, um, Steve Jobs, it was always, he always wear like a black turtleneck shirt and it was because he had to make so many decisions in the day. Like one last decision of like wearing a black turtleneck is, is great. And I think so many people don't realize how much decision making capacity you have to use. If you're trying to make decisions about what to eat all day long rather than doing that work up front and then just coasting throughout the day. 

Nicole Ferrier 13:57

Yeah. And you know, when you put it into those terms, it makes sense why so many women like after a long day at work or at the end of the day, like they break down and they overeat or they feel like they're falling off plan. And it's because you are wigging at each and every single day and making these, you know, decisions and managing your kids, managing, you know, work demands. Like it's exhausting. So it makes sense why you have no willpower you say around food, but it's like, you've been demonstrating willpower all day. It's just, you need structure, you need organization and sometimes you need support.

Amber B 14:30

Yes, absolutely. A hundred percent. 

Nicole Ferrier 14:33

So as a mom, um, getting more into macro tracking, was that like a weird transition for you and your family? Cause I know some women can experience like pushback from their partners. 

Amber B 14:45

Yeah. I think, you know, there's a couple of things that I, I hear a lot of concerns about. One is your partner because often as the female in a hetero, you know, hetero couple, often the female is tasked with like meal prep and like all of that, at least it is, that is in my house. Um, and so any changes that I make, so my eating impacts my husband. Uh, and so that's one aspect of it that I hear from a lot of women that it's like their partners aren't quite on board because now they're having to change how they eat. And then the second concern that I hear from a lot of moms is what is it going to do for my kids when they see me like weighing my food or tracking my food? And is that going to bring up food issues with, with my kids? Um, and I think that they're both, those are both valid things to be thinking through, especially as you know, a mom who is taking care of a family. Um, you know, one thing I always tell my clients who express concerns about their partner and maybe not being supportive or not being on board is really having a sit down with your partner ahead of time before you're making these changes and really sharing with them from a vulnerable place of what your goals are and why they're important to you. And then specifically asking for what you need to help them be supportive.

And I think most of our partners want to be supportive. It's just when they feel these things are like thrown onto them, there's this tendency to be defensive and to, to, you know, get angry about it. But if you do that ahead of time and you have a really honest conversation and you say, Hey, look, I'm not feeling comfortable in my body. And I really have X, Y, Z goals. And this is why it's important to me because I want to feel this way and I want to have this energy and whatever, you know, you're just sharing what it is that's important to you. And then the ask that's really important is like specifically how you can help me, how you can help me is you can not complain when we have X, Y, Z for dinner, or you can, if, if, um, you know, having pizza on Friday nights is really important to you, then we can still have that, but I'm going to have something different or whatever it is. You just come up and be really specific about what support looks like to you. And if you have that conversation, that honest vulnerable conversation with a partner, most partners want to be supportive if they know what that looks like. So that's the partner side of things.

Um, and then for the kids side of things, I think it's how we speak about food and how we feel about food is almost even more important than anything else. So, uh, one of the things that I think a lot of times people equate tracking or weighing your food with restriction. And so you can see if there's this equation that like tracking and weighing equals restriction, well, then I'm concerned that I'm going to be showcasing that to my kids and that they're going to grow up with a restrictive mindset and obsessive mindset around food. And I just don't think that tracking and weighing your food has to equal restriction. In fact, I think it can equal, uh, how am I fueling my body? Well, and so that's the lens that I always approach food with my kids. It's never from a place of lack or a place of cutting out. It's a, it's in a place of making sure I'm getting enough. So why am I tracking and weighing my foods? I want to make sure that I'm getting enough protein. You're seeing me go to the gym and I have to have protein in order to build muscle. And if I don't track and I don't weigh, then I often don't eat enough protein or I don't eat enough carbs. And so when I speak to my kids about food and when we talk to them about eating food themselves, it's always from that place of getting enough rather from a place of like cutting back or restricting. 

And I think that that's a really healthy mindset around food because food does so much for our body, especially if we consume it in the right way. It really does power our workouts, power our day, make sure that we have enough energy to get through the five basketball games that you're going to be playing. And so a lot of the ways that I speak about food and when my kids see me weighing my food or my kids see me tracking, it is in that I'm making sure that I'm fueling my body well with nutrition, not from a, I'm trying to restrict, I'm trying to cut back. I'm trying to be smaller. And I think that again, that's such a healthy mindset for kids as they go into those teens and adult years themselves. 

Nicole Ferrier 18:45

Yeah. I, um, going back to like the partner talk to, like it's hard for a partner to be supportive when you're not sticking to your words. So like if you say you have these goals and like you're only consistent two days out of the week, of course they can't get on board. So like the hardest part is going to be gaining that momentum when you first start and like showing them that like, these are the changes that I want for myself and like putting in the action, putting in that work. Like I know for me, so I have like a bodybuilding background. And when I started competing, it was so hard for everyone in my family to understand what I was doing. And they would nag me all the time and push back all the time. And it was quite honestly exhausting and it made my motivation lower. But over the years they're like, this is just something Nicole likes to do. And we're going to support her and it is what it is. And now they understand like when I'm in prep, I have certain, you know, sacrifices I have to make. And when I'm not, then I can be a little bit more relaxed and it's not a big deal. But the only reason why it's not a big deal now is because I stayed committed and I showed what was important to me. So your partner will be able to understand and support you better. The more you can walk the walk, that's going to make it easier. And like with the kids too, like you mentioned Amber, like food isn't just about restriction. Unfortunately, a lot of women, they have been taught that, like it's either you're on a diet or you're off a diet and food is about fueling your body enough. And just like you would use measuring cups in a recipe of food skill is the same thing. And a lot of times women naturally under eat, especially with protein. So a food skill can actually ensure that you get enough, which is actually a great thing. Do I think, you know, kids need to use food skills? Absolutely not. But like it still teaches them that like food has serving sizes. What is a serving size? What does that mean? Like it just opens the conversation with educational food, which I wish I would have had because a lot of like my nutritional upbringing was like, Oh, we're short on time. Like go grab a hot pocket, you know? 

Amber B 20:58

Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. Well, and I wanted to add to what you were saying about the partner thing, because I think a really great question to ask your partner when you're having this conversation is like, what, what is your biggest concern? What is your biggest worry about this? Because what I hear from a lot of women is that their partner's biggest concern is they're like, Oh, I've been on this rodeo before where you say you're going to do something and then you do it for a little bit and then you fall off the wagon and then you get all depressed and mad at yourself and like you're all grumpy with yourself. And so they're like, I've been on this roller coaster before and it's not a fun roller coaster because in the end you get depressed and you don't follow through. And so I think for a lot of women that when they have that conversation with their partner, that's really eyeopening for them of, of realizing, Oh man, yes. How important it is to me to like say that I'm going to do this and then actually follow through. Um, because we like you actually want to get results and because we don't want to do that to our family and to ourselves where we're saying we're going to do something and then, you know, not following through on it. 

Nicole Ferrier 21:59

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it is exhausting to be like on track and off track and this, this is why too, like with macro tracking, if you're like wanting to start and you're a little bit worried about it, like you don't have to go into a deficit right away.  Like sure, maybe you do want to lose body fat, but you could start going and maintenance and just like, just get a good routine of things first. 

Amber B 22:25

Man, if people could just develop the skill of consistency first and then start to manipulate things and then start to like try to make things more effective and change your body composition, that would solve so many problems. Um, but so many people are just, they just don't have the patience to sit and track at Mac maintenance, develop consistency there because they just want the end result of the fat loss. Um, but I, I mean, I totally agree. I think if more women started macro tracking in maintenance, they would be so much more successful in the long run. They think it's going to be longer cause they're sitting at maintenance, but it's actually going to be faster because you're going to develop that consistency. That's going to carry through with you on your cut. 

Nicole Ferrier 23:07

Yeah. Cause people don't understand that come like the changes that happen in a deficit. Like you might deal with a little bit of hunger, a little bit more cravings. And if you don't have the understanding of that, then it's harder to manage those uncomfortable feelings. But maintenance teaches you how to kind of be neutral within the maintenance phase. Like that's where most women are going to spend most of their time. And like even at the end of the diet, like you're going to have to exit and be a maintenance. And yeah, I think so many women look at, Oh, if I'm not changing that I'm not progressing when you are making progress because you're creating routine, you're creating structure, you're getting consistent, which that in itself is a huge win. So it's not a bad place to be. And I always love when I get to work with a client initially in maintenance and then go into a fat loss phase versus them being like, Hey, I have this event. I want to lose weight for it. You know, as fast as possible. You're already like starting off by putting a lot of pressure on yourself. 

Amber B 24:07

Yeah. Well, and also I find if you have had experience of losing weight and regaining it and losing weight and regaining it in the past, what I find is that women will go into a fat loss with that in the back of their mind. And there's almost this belief of like, well, I'm not going to be able to maintain this anyway because I've never done it before. And so then there's a lot of self sabotaging that happens in losing the weight because in the back of your mind you don't think that you can actually maintain it. And so getting that out of the way and proving to yourself that you can actually like maintenance is a skill that you can actually do it allows you to go into a deficit and then push hard and know that, yeah, wherever I hit, I'm going to be able to maintain it longterm and you don't have that baggage from the past in the back of your brain. So I find that that it helps people to be more consistent in the deficit if they know that they can maintain it because they've proved it to themselves.

Nicole Ferrier 24:56

Yeah, that's a really good point. I actually haven't heard that perspective before, but if you can, again, enter into it, like with the mindset of like, I can do this and I can maintain it because there have been studies of saying like, we don't have a weight loss problem. We have a weight maintenance problem where people lose weight, but they always seem to regain like 75% of it. You don't have to regain all your weight and maintenance. Like sure. You might gain like one to five pounds from glycogen and food volume, but you don't have to gain all 30 pounds that you just lost.

Amber B 25:27

Exactly. Yeah. And so if you can go in knowing that you've already developed the skill of maintenance, cause it is a skill, you've already developed that skill. Then you can go in and actually do the dang thing and then be confident that you can maintain it on the back end. And that's, it's a huge mindset shift going into that process. 

Nicole Ferrier 25:45

Yeah. Let's circle back about like family life and like fitness goals. So when you're preparing meals for your family, how do you go about that while still sticking to your goals? Cause I think a lot of women, they're like, what do I do now? Like do I cook for myself and then cook for my kids and then cook for my husband? Like this is going to be super complicated. 

Amber B 26:09

Oh my gosh! I'm like a big fat no. Like to me that is just like one step too far to like make separate meals for everybody. So I have two recommendations that really help and help lots of moms who kind of struggle with the same thing. The first recommendation is that I, for me, it is very important that I'm eating dinner with my family. And I find for a lot of moms that that's a very important non-negotiable for them as well. And so for me, I'm eating with my family. So a lot of the dinners that I make are very modular. It's less of like I'm making a lasagna and it's more of we're making bowls and we have the rice and we have the veggies and we have the chicken and everybody can kind of make their own bowl how they want. So maybe my husband who's bulking has more rice and maybe my kids don't have very many veggies cause they don't eat as many veggies as they wish they would. And mine is full with veggies and protein and maybe less rice. Right. So it's all modular so I can customize it to whatever I need and then my kids can eat what they want and my husband can eat what they want and I'm only making one meal. So that's my first recommendation to make dinners a little bit easier for everybody all the way around and still be able to eat the same meals and the same food as your kids.

My second recommendation and this has been like a game changer for so many of my clients is I recommend starting, if this is an issue for you and you feel like dinner is your wild card. Cause this is what I hear from a lot of women. They're like, I eat the same thing for breakfast. I eat the same thing for lunch. And then it's like dinner's the wild card cause it's like sometimes we go out for pizza or sometimes like my kids have softball or whatever. And it's like I never really know what dinner is going to be like. And that's really hard when you're trying to hit your macros to have a wild card at the end of the day. So what I recommend those clients do is to start their day with dinner. So you're basically just shifting your 24-hour tracking clock to start with dinner. And so then you go dinner and then you track next day's breakfast and then the next day's lunch. What this does is it allows your wild card to be the very first thing in your diary. And then you can see whatever happens for dinner. And then you can kind of adjust your breakfast and your lunch the next day to even everything out. And this has been huge for you. I mean, it's just like a such a simple shift in like how you track. Um, but having the wild card first really allows people to see whatever happens and then not feel like, well, the whole day is blown and then we just like don't track the rest of the day. It's like, no, I can figure that out and make it up in breakfast and the next lunch. So that's been a huge crick that I've had a lot of my clients who are moms and feel like dinner is a wild card is just shift that 24-hour tracking clock. And that allows you to be a lot more successful and still hitting your macros and still, you know, figuring out what dinner is at 5pm at night. 

Nicole Ferrier 28:50

Yeah. I like the simple meals. Um, I can't imagine doing like a super complex recipe every single night. That would just be so exhausting. And so like if you could like ingredient prep a little bit, like you could use the leftover chicken from maybe chicken tacos one night for chicken bowls the next night or chicken salad. So like that can work out great. Um, and keeping things separate, I feel like would actually help with the dynamic of maybe having picky eaters. 

Amber B 29:21

Oh my gosh.

Nicole Ferrier 29:21

Or just different preferences, you know? So it's like, like you said, like your kids don't have to have the big veggie bowl. Like they could just have a little bit of veggies compared to you.

Amber B 29:31

Yeah. I mean, I have, I have four kids, so like they all have different preferences. They all like different things. And like trying to make something that everybody's going to like without them customizing it is just, it's just crazy. So, I mean, we did this this week, Monday we had, I did like grilled chicken kebabs and like roasted veggies. And then the next day I took that chicken and I chopped it up and we put it over bowls. And you know, some of my kids have avocado, had avocado on it. Some of the kids don't cause they don't like it. And everybody can just like customize their bowl. We tossed them like barbecue sauce on and now we have like barbecue chicken bowls, which was just the leftover chicken from the night before. But everybody can customize it the way that they want. Um, and I think, I mean, one is so much easier than trying to create a recipe in your tracking app. Um, which a lot of people, women get bogged down about. Um, but two, it just allows you to like, again, say like, Hey, I need more protein and less carbs at this meal and I can adjust it very easily than rather than taking like a scoop of lasagna. And it's like, well, whatever the macros are for that is like what the macros are for that. 

Nicole Ferrier 30:31

Yeah, exactly. And I'm talking about like working in reverse, that can work out great. Um, a lot of my girls, they love sweet treats at the end of the day and they're like, I can't seem to like fit this in. I'm like, well, start your day with the sweet. And then work in reverse. 

Amber B 30:50

Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah. Mine's like, I have a creami, the Ninja Creami. I love my Ninja Creami. Um, every night it's like, I always plug my Ninja Creami in first. Cause that's like my treat in the evening. 

Nicole Ferrier 31:01

I haven't had mine in a hot minute. I think I need to pull it back out.

Amber B 31:05

I know some people like bought it and then they're like, I never use it. And I'm like, I don't know. I literally every night it is a non for me.

Nicole Ferrier 31:11

I use it. I use it all the time when I'm diving. I think when I'm not diving, I'm like this is a lot, 

Amber B 31:17

You're like associate it with a cut, you’re like that's what I do when I’m in a cut.

Nicole Ferrier 31:24

Exactly. Uh, talking about to like that dinner meal, a big hiccup for women. I I've noticed it's just communication. So like maybe they're going out to dinner, maybe a spontaneous event came up or whatever it might be. And they almost feel like pause. Like they can't do anything about it. I'm like, you can communicate. Like if you're going somewhere, you can just ask your husband, where are we going to dinner? Or if you're going somewhere that's being hosted and it's your friend, like just text them and be like, Hey, do you know what type of sub foods are going to be there? It doesn't hurt to ask. And I think a lot of people think, Oh, I'm being rude. Nope. Like I think that is so okay. Um, I have, have a lot of friends who have like dietary restrictions too, like gluten free. Um, some are dairy free for just health reasons like their gut health can't handle it. So I am never offended when someone asked me those questions. 

Amber B 32:19

Yeah. Yeah. I mean my, my daughter's vegetarian. It's the same thing. Like she's, she's very gracious, but she's not going to eat any meat. And so she'll either bring her own stuff or, you know, she just won't eat whatever is there. And I think, I think equating it to like some of these other dietary restrictions makes it seem like, Oh yeah. Like I would never fault someone. I would never push a vegetarian to eat meat. And it's so funny that we like feel resistance of like the choices that we're making as if they're any different than someone who chooses to be vegetarian.

Nicole Ferrier 32:49

Yeah. I don't think I can recall a single meal where I was offended because someone didn't eat something. 

Amber B 32:54

Yeah. Right. Exactly.

Nicole Ferrier 32:58

Would be a little weird. 

Amber B 33:00

Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole Ferrier 33:03

So with the weight training side of things I'm sure, well, it's probably more common now to see, you know, moms and women lifting, at least even for myself, I've noticed a shift from the gym from like 2012 ish to like now it's improved. I feel like it's gone from like 5% women to like 15, 20% women, but it's still pretty rare to have women lifting consistently. So how do you handle the fitness side of things and showing your kids like how to be healthy and fit, but not just being about like how your body looks? 

Amber B 33:38

Yeah. Well, I think, you know, one of the things I've learned over and over and over again as a parent is kids don't really care what you say. They see what you do. And that, I mean, if you're trying to teach your kid how important fitness is and how important nutrition is, and it's not something that you're modeling, that's going to go in one ear and out the other. So when it comes to being a parent, if this is something that you want to instill in your kids, you always, always, always have to start with yourself. Am I modeling the behavior that I desire my kids to pick up? Am I going to the gym consistently? Am I lifting weights? Am I eating nutritious, healthy food? Um, you know, even if my kids aren't eating as many vegetables as I wish they were, they definitely see me and their dad eat a lot of vegetables and that it, it, it sinks in eventually. And I've, now that I, my youngest is 11 and my oldest is 18. And I've seen as the kids get older, they just naturally start to eat better food. Like they, and they start to naturally want to do more exercise. Um, one of the most gratifying things has been my 18-year-old daughter. We have a gym out in the backyard and the last like two plus years, she goes out and she lifts weights in the backyard. Not because I like sat her down and was like, you need to lift weights and here's how you do it. But because she just has always seen me and her dad go and lift weights. And when they were little kids, they would come out in the backyard with us and they would see mom lifting barbells and they would, you know, see us doing workouts. And it's, again, it's not any one conversation I had with my daughter about how important lifting weights is. I just showed her by the things that I did.

And so, um, that for me has been such like a full circle moment is like seeing how consistent she is with lifting weights and how much muscle she's been able to build because she's seen her mom model at first. And that was my experience too, right? I saw my mom model it and it made it so much easier for me. Now when I say that some people are like, well, I didn't have that modeling, right? Like I didn't grow up with a mom who had a healthy relationship with food or I didn't grow up with a mom who exercised a lot and I didn't grow up with some of these things. And to that, I would say you can be that chain, that break in the chain, right? Even if you didn't have that modeled for you, you can still make the change and model that for the next generation. And for a lot of moms, that becomes really motivating of, I guess I'm doing this for myself because it makes me feel good and it makes me healthy, but because I want to model it and have my kids not have as much issue with food as I had, or my kids don't have as much issue with, uh, you know, fitness or body composition or body dysmorphia or whatever that I had. And that becomes very motivating for a lot of people.

Nicole Ferrier 36:14

Yeah. I think, um, so I work with a lot of women who struggle with their relationship with food and something that's really eyeopening for them is when they see that their kids have modeled behaviors that may be being demonstrated. And that could be them talking about, mommy, I look fat today. Or, you know, mommy, I don't think I can eat that. You know, my friend, Sally said it's bad for me or whatever. And it's like very eyeopening, I think because the kids are sponges. And so they absorb things at a very young age and they will model behavior. And I think a lot of women feel like, well, that's just the behavior that I had modeled. Like there's nothing I can do. I can't change it, but our brains are really cool and they can shift over time and you can rewire them. Um, and you can change it. And even if your kid is demonstrating behaviors like that, you can remodel and like show new behaviors. And I feel like it's never too late to make that change. And I can't imagine how hard it would be now for parents because you're fighting, you know, them being in school all day and their peers, but then you also have like social media, which is like times 20.

Amber B 37:22

Yeah, for sure.

Nicole Ferrier 37:23

Ever been before. And it's like dealing with that. But again, I feel like the most important voice is at home. Um, that's also why, I mean, you see parents who drink a lot of alcohol, their kids tend to drink a lot of alcohol or if their parents smoke, the kids usually smoke. So, you know, it's never too late to make the change, but you can't dwell on the upbringing that you had.

Amber B 37:49

Yeah. Well, I think to, to your point about neuroplasticity, I think one of the most important things that I've tried to teach my kids is, is the art of repair, the art of like I was wrong and I'm making a change. And so I feel like my kids, kids are so receptive if you are honest with them and be like, Hey, I used to think this way, I've taught you this way. And let's say you're making a change, like bringing it up with them of saying, Hey, I know that I've talked about my body this way. I'm making a change moving forward and just being honest and having that repair with them. Kids are really receptive to us making mistakes. And I think it's good to like normalize that we all make mistakes and we can address those mistakes and move forward and get better. Um, and so if you feel like, man, I'm, I'm looking back on my kids childhood and they're starting to model these behaviors that maybe they've heard me say, and I don't want them to do it anymore. It's, I think having that conversation to being like, Hey, I've said these things about my body before I can, you know, your eyes, you're starting to say them as well. And here's why I'm trying to change this or here's why what I'm trying to move towards. I'm doing the same work. I'm, instead of saying I'm fat, I'm saying, Hey, I, whatever you want them to say, right. It’s like just modeling that behavior of saying, I did this thing in the past and I'm changing in the future and I'm bringing you along for that. And if we could get more people in the world to be able to admit that they were wrong and make a change and not dig in their heels, like that's such a valuable skill for your kids to learn. 

Nicole Ferrier 39:17

Yeah. Cause I, I don't want women to think that like your kids asking a question or a comment, is it like, Oh my gosh, like they're going down the wrong direction where like maybe they initially see you, you know, working out and then they'll be like, mommy, are you trying to get skinny? You know, something just like off the wall. Right. But then it's like, no, it's not that you are displaying that you get to give them.

Amber B 39:41

Yeah. One of my favorite stories is from a client who was in her mid-sixties and had never lifted weights before. And we got her lifting weights and she like made it a habit and she messaged me and she said her like 28-year-old daughter. Right. So like very much out of the house, very much an adult child messaged her and was like, mom, I'm so inspired by you like lifting weights. It's been so awesome to see. Like I just got a gym membership because of you. And so I feel like it's never too late to be that example to your kids. It would have been easy for her to be like, Oh, I'm in my sixties. My kids are adults. Like that ship has sailed. It hasn't like any changes that you make. Your kids are still watching you regardless if they're eight, 28 or 68. Uh, and I love that story because it really just proves that like it's never too late to make a positive change in your life. 

Nicole Ferrier 40:36

Yeah. I am. So I grew up like with diet culture-y type of parents. 

Amber B 40:40

Yeah.

Nicole Ferrier 40:40

Like I'm sure you've heard of the term almond mom. 

Amber B 40:44

Yes. Yeah. Oh, you had an almond mom. Yeah. 

Nicole Ferrier 40:49

Well, I didn't have a, I didn't just have an almond mom. I had an almond dad. Which is like totally. Yeah. So my almond dad, it's been very interesting to see his relationship with food change and evolve now that I've healed and I'm in a way better spot. Like he'll consistently send me like pictures of his food because he's not intermittent fasting until 2pm and he's, you know, not just doing cardio. He's now weight training. And he has talked about like the scale hasn't changed. Again, men can get obsessed with the scale to talk about how like the scale didn't change, but like he's feeling better. And it's been really cool to see like, although they didn't get to display that relationship with food, like a healthy one, it's almost like I get to, and now I get to help them to the later part.

Amber B 41:39

You get to either re-parent your parents. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole Ferrier 41:43

Yeah, basically.

Amber B 41:44

It works both ways. Yeah. 

Nicole Ferrier 41:46

Yeah. They were definitely stubborn though. It took them a solid, you know, 10 years. 

Amber B 41:50

Yeah. Yeah. When people, I mean you can't force people to be ready. Right. It's like when people are ready, they're ready. 

Nicole Ferrier 41:56

Yeah, exactly. And that's like with this whole thing too, is you have to wait for your kids to pursue you with the questions. Like you can't force, you can't force this whole thing on them. You can guide them, but ultimately they're their own person too. 

Amber B 42:12

That's right. Yep. Yep. 

Nicole Ferrier 42:13

What advice would you have for, you know, maybe a mom who is wanting to start her fitness journey and she's feeling really overwhelmed, you know, maybe sharing like a challenge that you feel like you've overcome or mastered pretty well.

Amber B 42:29

Yeah. I think, uh, I mean, a big thing in the fitness industry is it is very loud and there's a lot of people saying things that you have to do and don't do this. And I think some of the most important things that you can do if you are just starting out is to kind of tune that out as much as possible. And one be very clear as to why you're doing it. I think that's a step that a lot of people skip is, is the why behind what they're doing. So why do you want to eat healthier? Why do you want to work out? Why do you want to lift weights? What is it going to do for you? What's your why? And then really letting go of that. It has to be perfect mentality, which is really hard for a lot of women to do because we want to be successful. We want to have the best results and we have this idea that if we don't do it right, then we're not going to be able to get those results. And so I think really narrowing down to why am I doing this and then what can I, can and will I do consistently? 

One shift that I like to have a lot of women shift from is like instead of like what workout should I do or what food should I eat? Shifting that to what workout do I want to do? What food do I want to eat? What changes am I willing to make? Not what changes should I make? What changes am I willing to make? And those are different answers. And so being really honest with yourself of like what am I willing to change? And maybe you're not willing to give up drinking. Maybe you're not willing to give up date night, but maybe you are willing to go to the gym twice a week, right? So start with what you're willing to do and get that momentum and then we can start to make some deeper changes. But I think way too many people get into the shoulds when it comes to working out and the shoulds when it comes to food rather than starting with, no, what am I really willing to do? And then starting there and building momentum there.

Nicole Ferrier 44:20

Yeah. You got to meet yourself where you're at. 

Amber B 44:23

Totally.

Nicole Ferrier 44:23

And you know, if you start this whole fitness journey with like a million different rules that you're supposed to be following, I feel like humans are natural rule breakers. 

Amber B 44:32

Totally, yeah.

Nicole Ferrier 44:32

So like that won't work for you. You have to just kind of lay out a good guide for yourself. But it has to be realistic. So like, like you talked about, like if you hate running, don't force yourself to run. If you hate, you know, super low carb, why are you doing keto? You know? 

Amber B 44:50

Yeah. Right. And I can, that's why I think this question of like, what do I want to do is so valuable because you're totally right. We are very rebellious creatures. If somebody, if someone else tells us to do something that we have to do it, we immediately want to like push away from that. And so that question of like, what do I want to do? Not even what am I willing to do? It's like, what do I want to actually change? And then starting with the thing that you already have a desire for, because now there's nothing to push against, right? It's like, I want to do this. I'm on board with this. I'm not forcing myself into it. Nobody else is telling me I have to do it. Like I want to make this change. And those are the changes that are going to actually stick are the ones that you're totally on board with and you're not going to rebel against. And starting there, even if it's as simple as like, well, I going for a five-minute walk, that sounds really nice. I actually want to do that. Great. Five-minute walk, get that, build that consistency. And then what happens? And you've probably seen this a ton. Nicole is like, you make a little change and then you see how it makes you feel and how your body feels and your energy levels. And then it becomes so much easier to be like, well, that wasn't super bad. Maybe I can extend that walk to 10 minutes. Or maybe now I want to, you know, try joining a gym or whatever. It can slowly progress when you start to see that it's not that bad. It actually makes you feel better and that there's benefit on the other side of the hard thing. But we as humans really struggle with hard things when we don't know the payoff or we don't, we can't like conceptualize what the payoff is on the other side. So starting small, building that consistency, getting the feedback that feels better and then slowly layering on those habits. 

Nicole Ferrier 46:28

Yeah. And I think also like the person that is making it look easy, like they've already gone through their struggle. They've already gone through that resistance. I don't know what I'm doing type of phase. And it's so easy to just be like, well, you know, everybody else has it so much easier than I do. Like, why can't I get it together? And it's like, well, you're just getting started. Like you have to let yourself learn. You have to let yourself fall down and make mistakes. I'm sure you've made tons of mistakes in your journey. I know that I definitely have. Um, but now, you know, you live and you learn and you get to a spot where you find like what works really well for you.

Amber B 47:04

Yeah. You're just the teen driver who has to like check every mirror and like think, grab the thing, put it in reverse, look over my shoulder, right? You just have to think about everything, but it's not always going to be that way. So just, there's a little bit of grace for yourself. It's like you're the teen driver. You have to think about everything. Eventually consistency is going to be just easy and it's just going to be something that just comes naturally. But you have to go through being a teen driver in order to get to being an adult driver.

Nicole Ferrier 47:31

Yeah. I do not miss those days. 

Amber B 47:35

Oh my gosh. Like, let me tell you, teaching teenagers how to drive is a whole new like world of scariness, right? Like getting your kids on the freeway. Like we live in California. So like, I just like remember those first times like I take my teenagers on the freeway and it's just like, we're all just holding like onto anything that we can. It's, it's terrifying, but they figured it out and now they're great drivers. But like you, you have to go through that messy middle of like learning. And too many people are not willing to go through the learning process.

Nicole Ferrier 48:04

The first time I went on the freeway was actually with my driving instructor. I was terrified. And I just remember like, I have no choice to tell me I have to turn and merge, you know? 

Amber B 48:15

Sink or swim, baby. Sink or swim. 

Nicole Ferrier 48:18

Oh my gosh. Praying the whole time. But hey, you get through it, you know? 

Amber B 48:22

Yeah. 

Nicole Ferrier 48:24

So Amber, where can people connect more if they're wanting to, you know, follow along your journey or also check out like what you offer with coaching? I know that you have a podcast as well. 

Amber B 48:36

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm, I'm basically Biceps After Babies anywhere. So Biceps After Babies Radio is my podcast. I'm Biceps After Babies on Facebook, on Instagram, on TikTok, on Threads. It's just, I did secure the name early enough, the website early enough that like, I'm just Biceps After Babies everywhere. 

Nicole Ferrier 48:53

Perfect. Well, for anyone listening, you can find Amber's information down below and thank you again. 

Amber B 48:59

Thanks, Nicole. This was fun.

Reflection and Takeaways 49:01

I hope that you enjoyed that episode. Like I said, I thought Nicole asked some really great questions and really was able to elicit some things that I don't know that I've ever articulated fully on the podcast. So hopefully that was a interesting and helpful episode for you to be able to start to take some of those things that I talked about and apply them to your own journey. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber. Now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

Outro

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