403: [RANT] Stop Saying You’re All In If You’re Not

Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 403.

Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, and if you read the podcast title, you know that this is a rant episode. Now, I look back in the podcast archives, and it's been a little while since I've done a rant episode. So let me, if you're new here, let me kind of break down what I mean when I label something a rant episode. I label things rants when I just kind of want to speak freely and I want to say things off the cuff. I don't want to exactly plan out what I'm going to say. And I want to just speak without sometimes the nuance and the holding back that sometimes I feel like I need to do when you have a platform that reaches thousands and thousands of people. Obviously there is nuance in everything that we do. And so sometimes I'm trying to couch it and make sure nobody's feelings get hurt and everybody is included and all of those things. And on a typical episode, I lean more that way. But on a rant, I label it as such so that you kind of know going into it, what you're going to get. And it's going to be a little sassy, a little unfiltered Amber, just really sharing what I think. 

Now, yesterday, I'm sitting down to record this yesterday, I put up a pod or a Instagram story and I said, Hey, what do you want to hear a rant about? Because I'm like, I'm feeling like it's rant time. And my friend ever so lovingly slipped into my DMs and she's like, I don't feel like we can tell you what you rant about. Like, isn't that the whole thing is you just talk about something like you're a little hot under the collar about? And I was like, yeah, you're absolutely right. So I thought about it and this topic came to mind. And I think that it's one that will be a little juicy, maybe a little uncomfortable. And I would advise that I would only be listening to this if you are not in a defensive space. Let's just say that. Like, if you are in a, um, things are hard for me. I want to stay in that like defensive space a little bit of like, I'm not ready to change. That's totally fine. You may not enjoy this episode. It may rub you the wrong way and that's okay. It's not for everybody. But if you're in the place where you're like, I really want to change, no, I am really committed to making my, my future different than my past. I'm ready to really transform my body. I'm really ready to transform my life and I'm doing the things that it's not working and I'm really frustrated about it. And I want to hear the raw, real things that you're going to say about why that may be for me. Then you, my friend are in the right place because I have some thoughts that I think may be insightful for some of you who feel like you're doing the work and it's not working and you're frustrated and you want to know why. So let's dive into it.

The Role of Discomfort and Self-Reflection 03:41

Now I already said that I gave this disclaimer already, but I'm going to give it again. If you start to listen to this and you start to get really defensive as you're listening to this episode, I invite you just to notice that defensiveness because a lot of the things that I'm going to be saying may hit a little close to home. And when things hit a little close to home, we often become very defensive. But it is also in that moment that you are able to see things that you couldn't see before. And so I always think of when I get defensive, it's usually because things hit a little too close to home for me. So I just invite you if you feel that coming on as you listen to this episode to step back and look at that and ask yourself, what is hitting me here? And is it a little close to truth? And I know it's a little close to truth and that's why it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

So today I want to speak to the woman who you are currently in it, you're currently doing the things and you're telling yourself that you are doing everything that you can to change, to transform, to lose the weight, to change your body composition. And maybe you're a little frustrated because it's not working and you just feel like I'm doing it all. Amber, I'm doing everything that I can in my power to make this change.

Challenging the Belief That “I’m Doing Everything” 04:54

And today I want to gently challenge that. I did a cut, I guess it's almost been a year ago. I did it last year in 2025 and I actually invited a lot of you guys along for the ride. I called it Watch My Cut. I did a six week cut where I just documented everything behind the scenes and you got to watch the whole experience in real time as I went through that cut. If you are curious and like, oh, that'd be really fun to watch and see, you can still go and purchase that at bicepsafterbabies.com/watchmycut. A lot of you found it really helpful to actually see me navigate all of the messy middle kind of stuff that happens during a cut and how I was navigating hunger and how I navigated looking at my data and making adjustments and everything that goes along with the cut. 

Anyway, the point of me telling you that is when I was going through that cut, somehow, I mean the algorithm like knows you so well, right? It's like somehow I made it on to bodybuilding talk on TikTok and so all of a sudden I had like all of these people who were in preps, in bodybuilding preps that were flooding onto my feed and it was really interesting because it was like a behind the scenes look at what these women were doing to be able to get shredded. If you don't know anything about the bodybuilding, like the competition aspect of the bodybuilding world, in order to step on a stage and compete at a bodybuilding competition, yes, you have to build a whole bunch of muscle mass, but then obviously you have to be able to showcase that muscle mass on stage.

Discovering Bodybuilding Prep Culture 06:25

And so it requires usually for most women somewhere between a 16, a 20, 24 week prep is what they call it, where you're basically dieting down to get down to a very, very unsustainably lean body fat percentage. So an average woman is usually somewhere in the like, you know, 22 to 25% body fat percentage is a pretty healthy body fat percentage for most women. A very athletic body fat percentage is, you know, in that like 17 to 20% body fat percentage. Women who are stepping on stage are getting in the 14, 13, even like 12% body fat percentage when they're stepping on stage. So they are very, very, very, very lean, right? Because you got to get as much of that fat off so that you can showcase the muscle, right? That's the whole sport of bodybuilding. So these women are, and if you ever talk to a bodybuilder, they know what they're doing is unsustainable. Like that's the point is to peak for one day, which is your show day to showcase everything that you have and then to regain weight. So they're doing something in an unsustainable manner to get to an unsustainable place for a single day for a sport. And whether or not you agree with that or think it's healthy or whatever, that's a whole another conversation, but that's what the sport of bodybuilding is.

Anyway, I got onto bodybuilding TikTok and I've been watching these women in their preps and I, I mean, I had ideas about prep, but seeing it like, I mean, firsthand as firsthand as you can on social media, but seeing it firsthand, it was a whole another ball of wax. These women are doing, you know, they're lifting every single day, an hour to an hour and a half of the gym that they're lifting. Plus, especially as things titrate up, they're doing an hour to two hours of cardio every single day. They are obviously tracking everything. Most of them are on meal plans, meaning, meaning they eat the same foods every single day. And those foods are like sweet potatoes, rice, chicken, avocado, maybe some peanut butter, right? Like it's the, the amount of food and the, the variety of food is very, very limited. They're never going out to eat. They are never drinking. They are never straying from their plan, right? It is, it is a type A, it is a type A type of sport where it's like, you are on because you are doing, you are doing something extreme to get to an extreme place for an extreme sport.

Realizing the True Meaning of “Going All In” 08:50

So as I'm watching this, I had this, this realization of like, I thought I was intense and like committed, but I was nowhere near the end of the continuum that these women were. And that's not right or wrong or good or bad. It just was, I had this realization of like, wow, there is so much further that I could go in my intensity and how much intensity I'm bringing to the goals that I have set for myself. And I realized that was what going all in really looked like. It gave me a conceptualization of like, that is all in on, on an aesthetic, on a, on a body aesthetic that you're trying to chase. Now, again, I mean, we can argue whether it's like healthy or sustainable. The answer to both those questions would be no. However, it gave me a context that I didn't really have prior to that of like where, if we are building a continuum of like really lackadaisical with your goals and really intense with your, your body goals, I was not as far towards the intensity as maybe I sometimes thought I was. And I realized there was a whole lot more I could be doing to reach my goals. Not that I should be doing, but that I could be doing. 

And I wasn't, and I didn't want to, and I wasn't willing to, I was not willing to do two hours a day of cardio six days a week. I'm not willing to do that. I'm not willing to never go out to eat with my family and friends. You know, I'm not willing to eat 1300 calories to 1200 to 1100 calories that some of these women are eating to be able to look that way for a single day, for a show, like I'm not willing to do that. And that is not an issue at all. So the issue is not how much it is that you're doing. It's that you're telling yourself that you're doing everything when in actuality, you and me, we probably aren't okay. In a fitness journey, trade-offs are inevitable and completely valid.

The Importance of Clarifying What a Goal Is Worth 11:00

I think it's really important that when you start your journey, you are very clear on what this outcome is worth to you. Obviously, to these women who are stepping on stage, winning their pro card or placing first in their division is an important enough goal to them that they are willing to go through 20 weeks of intensity and rigor and hunger and tiredness and all the things that come with it because that goal is important enough to them. If you are starting a fitness journey and you are not clear on what outcome it is that you're trying to create and what it's worth to you and what you're willing to do to do it, you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain, a lot of misery, because we have this idea that I can put in X, Y, Z effort and get A, B, C result. And when that equation doesn't quite work, it causes a lot of frustration for people. But the reality is, is that you are trading things off. It's always a trade-off. 

So the question I ask my clients a lot, and I've said this on the podcast before, but I think a lot of people hear this question and they think, Oh, that's a really great question, Amber. And then they do nothing with it. Like they don't actually do the work of asking yourself this question and really answering it. What is the outcome that I want? What is it worth to me? And what am I willing to change in order to create that outcome? Because for a lot of you who are stuck in the place of, I want X, Y, Z outcome, and you're putting an effort. I'm not like, yeah, you're putting an effort. You're making changes. You're tracking your food. You're going to the gym. You're making changes in the things that you do on a daily basis. But then you get frustrated because the result that you're creating doesn't feel worth it to you or is not enough for you. And what I want you to hear is that you're not failing in that, but you are choosing how much you go in, how all in you are on this journey. 

And I'm not saying it's right or wrong. It is not for me to tell you what your outcome is worth to you. But if you aren't not ever going out to eat, if you aren't never drinking, if you aren't eating the same meals every single day, if you're not weighing every single thing that you eat, if you're not following a meal plan, if you're not doing cardio two hours a day, if you're not lifting five days a week, you aren't really doing everything that you could be doing. So stop telling yourself that you are. Instead, I think a way healthier place to be is to put realistic boundaries on what you are willing to do. It's okay to say, I'm not willing to eat all my meals at home. I'm not willing to do that. I want to go out to eat. That's fantastic. I love that for you. And at the same time, you have to recognize that it is going to be harder or maybe slower to reach your goals. If that is one of the concessions that you're not willing to make. I think that that is fantastic.

How Resentment Develops in Fitness Journeys 14:05

And I think we need to be more clear that we are choosing what we want to do because what happens a lot of times, and this is why I'm like really trying to hammer this point home. What happens a lot of times is then people get resentful and they're like, I'm doing all these things. I'm tracking my macros and I'm going to the gym and I was taking extra steps and I'm doing all these things and it's not working. And I resent the things that I'm doing. That is a, that is a toxic energy that you are bringing resentment means that you're doing something, but you're doing it, not wanting to be doing it. And it's a very painful place to be instead of, instead of resenting instead, we want to be choosing, right? So I'm not willing to not drink. I'm not willing to walk more than 10,000 steps. I'm not willing to not go out to eat. I'm not willing to eat the same things. I'm not willing to weigh my food. I'm not willing to track. I'm not like whatever it is, being honest with yourself and saying that you're choosing it is a very powerful place to be. And then you don't get to choose the results that that creates. So we gotta, we gotta let that go too. I get to choose what I put into it. And then I get to see what results that creates, and then I get to choose if it's worth it to me. 

I was having this conversation with one of our MACROS 101 clients where she was trying to grasp this concept and she was basically saying, I, I don't want to track, like, I don't want to do it. And I feel like I should want to, I'm in, I'm doing it. I'm tracking, but I don't really want to do it. And I'm struggling because I'm not seeing the results that I, that I want to see. And I was trying to make the point to her that you don't have to want to track macros forever. Like, even if it doesn't ever produce a result, like that is, that's silly. It's silly to be here. I'm doing this thing and it's never producing a result. Like why would I keep doing it? That's not what I'm saying. 

The Problem with “Fence Sitting” 16:01

But when you are in this phase of, and this is the phase that I like help my clients through where you're experimenting and you're testing and you're trying to see what works for you. And you're trying to get feedback and understand how your body responds to those things. And you are in this phase of testing out macros and, and tracking and all those things. Then you are choosing and you are wanting to do that. And if you do that while resenting it, I call it a fence sitting position. And it just makes you miserable. It's like either step all in and say, I am choosing this. It's hard. And I'm choosing to track my food and I'm choosing to collect data and I'm choosing to figure out how this works for me and my body. And maybe I won't do this forever and you know, I'm going to give it a good, a good go and see how it impacts me, but I am choosing it and I want to do it right now. Or step all the way out and say, I don't want to do it. It's not worth it to me to track my food. So I'm not going to do it. Both of those are totally fine positions to be in where people get stuck and where people get really miserable is by fence sitting.

Where they put one foot in one side and they say, well, I have to track my macros or I should be tracking my macros because I want the results. But then this other part of me doesn't really want to do it because it's kind of a pain in the butt and I don't really want to do it. That's miserable. You're miserable sitting in that position. But what should I do, Amber, if I'm like doing the thing and it's not giving me the result? Well then you go back to yourself and you ask yourself, what am I willing to give? Am I willing to put more into this process? Am I willing to do more steps, be more consistent with my tracking, change how I spend the weekends, change how I go out to eat? Am I willing to do that to see if it works? And if you are, step fully in and do that. And if you don't want to do that, then be honest with yourself. It's not that it's not working or that it won't work or that it couldn't work in the future. It's that you're not willing to put in the effort to get it to that point. And that's okay.

I'm not saying that that's not okay. Hear me very, very fully. That is okay to decide. I want that goal and it's not worth the effort. I've done that many times with goals where I've started on it and I'm like, yeah, I kind of thought that I wanted that. And then I realized what it was going to take for me to get there and I don't want it enough and I let it go. But I let it go from a place of acceptance versus resignation. Those are very, very two energy, the different energies. I accept that I'm not willing to put in the effort to get that result. And I accept that. And that's my choice because I get to choose how I live my life. But I don't resign. I don't feel like a victim. I don't feel like, oh, so annoying. Everybody else can get that result, but I can't get it. I own it that I made the choice that it wasn't worth it to me. And those are, those are very, very different positions. They can look the same from the outside, but they feel completely different.

The Fork in the Road 18:50

The difference between acceptance, my choice and resignation, which feels like an external attack on me. Like that's, it's a much more damaging mental and emotional place to be in and a much more disempowering one as well. So if you're at that fork in the road where you feel like I'm doing things and it's not producing the result that I want, be honest with yourself of what you're willing to give it. What are you willing to try to test, to experiment with, to play around with, to see if you can create the result or have you tapped out? Are you at your limit of what you can reasonably give to the process? I get it. We're all busy. We all have lives. We have kids. We have jobs. We have spouses. We have other interests and passions that we want to pursue. I'm not saying you have to be a bodybuilder and do two hours of cardio a day. I'm not saying you have to do that, but I am saying there are people out there who are, who want it that bad, that that's what they're willing to do. And so sitting here and saying, I've done everything I can and I can't get out the outcome I want is very different than saying, I've done everything I'm willing to do and I'm not willing to do any more to be able to create the outcome. Do you see the difference? It's huge. So if you're at that fork in the road, those are the questions I want you to be asking yourself. 

So that's it. That wraps up my little rant. Steps down from my soapbox and goes back into my more calm voice. But I hope that that offered you something. And I do save it from a place of, of love and a place of compassion and not a place of like shaming anybody. There's no should in this. There's really just what, what am I willing to do? And that is a very different place to build from. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm Amber. Now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.

Outro

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