Today I have my friend Marci Nevin on the podcast. A lot of people are working on developing their self-trust, so I think this will be a really fun topic. Let's get into it!
Find show notes at bicepsafterbabies.com/165
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- Rejection is redirection (11:23)
- Self-trust (13:00)
- How lack of self-trust can affect you (15:13, 19:16)
- Self-sabotage (17:03)
- Want and believe that it is possible and back it up with actions (20:08)
- Be conscious of your word choice (22:56)
- Keep one or two promises to yourself (25:15)
- Connection of boundary and building your self-trust (27:12, 28:54, 29:59)
- Growth mindset and fixed mindset (37:15, 40:29)
You're listening to Biceps after Babies radio episode number 165.
Hello and welcome to Biceps after Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four. Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.
Amber B 0:47
Hey, hey, hey welcome back to another episode of Biceps after Babies Radio. I'm your host Amber Brueseke. And today, on the podcast, I have my friend Marci Nevin on and holy cow, guys, this is such a good episode, I'm so excited for you to listen to it. Because we talk about a topic that I think impacts more people than we realize. And Marci and I actually talked about this a little bit on the podcast of starting to recognize it. But we talked about this topic of self-trust, and building trust in yourself. And like I said, I think this is one of those topics where you may be listening to me like yeah, that's cool, that's fine. When in reality, this is something that actually is really impacting your journey. And you may not even be aware of it. And so we talk about the ways that lack of self-trust manifests in your journey, and help you to start to realize Marci does a really good job of breaking down how to once you have realized that maybe self-trust is lacking, or that's something that you struggle with, of how we can go about building that self-trust, and why it's so important to build that self-trust. But I will say, if you are somebody who has a goal or a desire or something that you want to achieve, but you don't really think that like part of you at least feels like maybe it's not even really possible for you to reach that goal, then you likely will benefit from this episode. Because there is some self-trust that can and needs to be built in yourself to be able to help you get to that place where you're reaching that goal. And so that's what we talked about today. We dive into some of the topics and understanding of what is self-trust? How do we recognize if it's something we struggle with? How do we build it? And how does that bleed out into other areas of our life, including your relationship with food, and what that can look like, over time. So this is a great episode. Marci does a great job of breaking down this topic, and I'm so excited for you to dive in. So let's dive into the episode with Marci.
Amber B 3:01
All right, I am so excited to have Marci on the podcast. How are you doing Marci?
I am fabulous Amber, how are you?
Amber B 3:09
I'm doing excellent. This is gonna be such a fun topic. Because it's one that I feel like it's gonna impact a lot of people like I feel like this is something that a lot of people are working on developing self-trust. And I know that you have some really insightful things to say on this topic. So I'm excited for our listeners today. Yeah, so first off, introduce yourself. If someone hasn't heard of you or isn't following you currently, who are you? And how do you help people?
Yeah, so I'm Marci Nevin, and I am a health fitness for lack of a better work, mindset coach, because we're going to get into this on the podcast, I'm sure you know, working with clients as long as you have, we're really working on mindset and emotional issues. Not just the food and the fitness but that is where I started. So I have been a personal trainer for 12 years up until quarantine. I was still doing the in-person thing most of the time. Like that was the majority of my income I had started my side hustle online business and was doing that as well. And then yeah, once the lockdown happened, it was like your gym was closed. So go figure it out. And now I'm doing the online thing full time. So I work mostly with women, predominantly ones who want to lose body fat, so that is my core clientele. And you know, but again, it's not only that it's really diving into the deeper issues that they're facing that you know caused them to gain the weight in the first place. And it's that deeper inner work. I mean, I am not a therapist, don't get me wrong, like I will definitely tell somebody you probably need therapy if I feel like it's out of my wheelhouse, but just starting those conversations and I feel like that is the most fulfilling and rewarding part of my job when I see women have those epiphany moments, and really start to step into their power and their worth. Like it is just incredible, I mean, for example, I had a client yesterday, and I was doing her check-in and I sent voice memos to people. And I told her, I said, Michelle, this is check-in number 100. That's crazy. So almost two years, and I'm so grateful that people would put their trust in me for that long. And she messaged me back and she was in tears. And she said, I just want you to know, like, how much you have changed my life. And I don't say that to toot my own horn. But just you know, in a way that yes, the work that I do with clients, and Amber that I know you do as well, it changes people's lives in ways that go far beyond just how their body looks.
Amber B 5:48
Yeah, so now you're starting to see exactly why I like Marci, and why I invited her on the podcast, because I see so many similarities. We were talking beforehand, the similarities of our age, and where you know, where we live, and things like that. So I'm curious, do you still train people in-person?
So I do not, I have one client who I train on a friday. And that is it. She came back to me a couple of months ago. I had another one previously, who was going through some really scary stuff, health wise, and I just care so much about that woman. So she came back and she's like, oh, will you trade me again? I said, “because it's you? sure.” You know, because of her health issues, she's no longer able to work out at this point. So I have one client in person, which, to be honest, it gets me out of the house, it pays my rent. So I'm like, Yeah, why not?
Amber B 6:41
Yeah, well, I think it's so interesting, because, um, I think about my path and going to be a nurse. And people often ask me, you know, I was a nurse first and then came out into the online space. And people ask me all the time, if I would ever go back to being a nurse, and honestly, my plan had always been to go back and get my doctorate. And then we could be Dr. and Dr. Brueseke that was like, Okay. But at this point, I'm like, I love what I do online so much that I can't even imagine going back. Like, I love owning my own business. I love what I do. I love who I get to serve. And so it kind of sounds like you're the same thing. It's like, the shift happened in your life, and you were kind of forced into a new path. But how grateful we are for this new path.
So grateful. And here's the thing, Amber, the whole reason I got into personal training in the first place is I got fired from my first job out of college. Second job out of college. So really quick, a little backstory on me. I graduated from the University of Oregon with a double emphasis in magazine editing and public relations.
Amber B 7:45
Oh, wow. So like, totally like different fields?
Well, I mean, yes, and no, because I'm like, Oh, I'm finally using my journalism degree that's like-
Amber B 7:55
And your public relations?
Yeah, public relations. So one of the main things that I remembered in journalism school when I had to use Pagemaker, and Photoshop, which I couldn't figure out how to use and other people had to do the projects for me, was when it comes to magazines, which, you know, we don't really read that many magazines anymore, but they talked about the importance of whitespace. So when I was starting to create my infographics, I was just like, okay, you keep it as simple and readable as possible. And I started to compare myself to all these people who had these really fancy graphics. And, you know, they were content heavy. And then I said, No, this is so hard to read. That's not what people are going to want. So I just kept it simple. And, you know, it was very impactful because of that. But anyway, my original plan was to major in nutrition, I wanted to be a dietician. And the school that I wanted to go to in Oregon did not have that as a major. So I said, Alright, I'm a good writer. I'll major in journalism. And then I will write about fitness and nutrition. But as I was going through the program, I realized this is not what I want to do. I don't want to sit at a desk, I don't want to be on a deadline and like to work for somebody else. So I decided I want to go into outside sales. And that's what I did first out of college. And sold coffee machines of all things. And then- It was yeah right? That's one thing that you are going to ask at the end of the podcast, what's one thing people don't know about you? I used to sell coffee machines.
Amber B 9:23
So there you go. That is interesting.
It is interesting. And I had gotten my personal training certification while I was in college. And it's interesting because I got it not because I thought that I wanted to do that as a full time job. But more Oh, this is what I'm passionate about. And if I ever need it to fall back on if I'm in between jobs, if I get married and have kids that want to work full time, I can use it. So when I got fired from my second sales job, it's like oh, this certification is going to come in handy. So I went to a private studio gym and I got the job as a trainer, and I just figured, okay, this is going to be a very temporary thing until I figure out my next move in corporate America. And then 12 years later, here I am still doing well, not doing any more. But I really, I never enjoyed it so I didn't like the hours, I thought it was boring. But I didn't know what else I wanted to do. And I knew that, in some capacity, I still wanted to work for myself, I still wanted to have that freedom and autonomy, which personal training allows to an extent, but you know, I can say, oh, if I want to go on vacation, then I can leave and do that. But I don't get paid. I feel like I'm running down my clients. So there was a little bit of resistance in that capacity. But yeah, I knew for a long time that I wanted to start this online thing and hired a business coach about six years ago, Joe Coleman, who I know you're familiar with, she's in your mastermind. Yeah. So she was my I was in her mastermind six years ago, and then just kind of slowly started to do the work to build my online presence and now here we are.
Amber B 11:10
So awesome. Yeah, it's so great. And I love how life just kind of does that, it takes a turn and you're like, what is going on, but then you look back, and you can really see how it ended, you ended up in a better place, because of those kind of pivots that happened.
Always. Yes, and that's why I always tell people, you know, even if it looks like, your moments are just so dark, you're in this pit of despair, you don't see what the next step is, or why this is all happening to you. Trust me, you will look back and be grateful for the lesson, or for where you are now. And so I always say, you know, it's either like rejection is redirection, or there's another quote that I like, I can't think of it now. But yeah, everything is always happening for you, not to you.
Amber B 11:58
Yeah, so much. And I think that's a really great segue into the topic for today, because we're talking about trusting and you know, kind of just allowing life to unfold for you. And, you know, when I was scrolling your Instagram, a topic that you talked about a lot that I thought could be really powerful for our listeners, is this idea of self-trust, and building self-trust. And I and I feel like so many women that I see and probably that you see come to us, where they've that self-trust has been broken over, you know, over time and in the past, and they're at that point where they're like, I would like to do this, I have a desire to do, you know, whatever goal it is that they want. But that there's a lack of trust in themselves or if they're actually going to execute on what it takes to be able to get that to that level. So that's what I think would be really helpful, you know, for you to share about the first question before we dive deep into this topic and hear what you have to say on it. I want to know how you specifically defined self-trust, like, let's make sure we're on the same page with the listeners like this is what we're talking about. When we say self-trust.
Yeah. So what I think of self-trust, it's knowing that no matter what situation you find yourself in, you have your own back. You know that you can get through it, and you will be okay. It might be hard, you might not understand why it's happening to you, but in the end, it's like, okay, I can do this, I can get through this, I am strong, I am resilient, I am capable, like I am going to be fine. And self-trust is really I learned this through Joe. Joe's one of my very first mentors. And that she was the person who kind of introduced me to this idea of self-trust. And there have been so many times in my life where I have had to apply it. And I was telling you earlier one of those was when my gym shut down overnight. And I was like, Okay, here I am, most of my income is gone. Now I have to figure it out. And at the same time, my five year relationship had just ended. So I broke up with my boyfriend who I thought I was gonna marry. So I had this, I guess, vision of what my future was going to look like. And now it looks completely different. And I had to figure out what I was going to do. So had I not started to cultivate self-trust in myself through other things prior to that. I don't know who would have been a fish out of water just floundering around so terrified as to what was gonna be the next step.
Amber B 14:32
Yeah, I think it's really good. And I'm curious what your perception is on this because I think there are there are some things in life where we know we have lack, where we know that we're struggling with something and we and we can address it and I think there are other areas of our life where sometimes we're not even aware that it's it's something that we're struggling with. It's kind of hidden. Do you think that self-trust is something or struggling with self-trust is something that somebody listening to this is like going to quickly identify Yes, I struggle with that. Or do you think that there are some people who are listening who maybe actually struggle with it, they haven't been able to label it as that and how it shows up for them so that they can start to identify that maybe this is something that is holding them back?
Yeah, that's a really great question. And I think like what's applied to the food, a lot of people say they don't trust themselves around food, and I hear it with your clients. I hear it from my clients all the time. So I read or they'll reach out to me, I'm going out to eat this weekend, or I'm going to a party. I don't trust myself to not overindulge in all the food and all the alcohol. So yes, in those situations, they know for sure that they don't trust themselves. But I also think the lack of self-trust can be rather insidious. And it's when those self-sabotaging behaviors start to creep in. And I know you've talked about self-sabotage, I've heard you discuss it on your podcast before in your content. And it is a very real thing. But sometimes I think it's completely self-conscious or subconscious. And you don't really realize that it's even happening. You don't know why it's happening. And I think that a lack of self-trust in certain areas can lead to self-sabotage, even if you are not fully aware of it.
Amber B 16:17
Yeah. And so what I think helpful is to start to identify because we talked about self-sabotage. And I think sometimes people, it's like, when we've talked about this broad concept, there's not an understanding of like, what the how that can actually manifest in people's lives. So I'm curious from your experience with clients, what are some maybe very specific ways that you've seen self-sabotage start to manifest in clients?
Mm hmm. So I would say not keeping the promises that they make to themselves, or they start to have a little bit of success, and then they completely go off the rails. So there's that upper limit theory. Have you read the book? The big leap?
Amber B 17:00
Yes. Jay Hendricks. On my bedside table, I love that book.
It's an amazing book. And the cover of the book really says it all. It's this goldfish, like not a tank, but a bowl, I guess. And there's a goldfish jumping out of the bowl, where you know, when you jump out of the bowl, you're gonna die. That's why I think that's what we think. Right? And I yes, so anytime we are starting to hit what is our self-imposed upper limit, our thermostatic upper thermostat, so to speak, then we get really scared, because we don't know what that's going to look like on the other side. So we might say, I want to lose weight, I want to find a relationship, I want a new job, and you can say that all day long. It sounds really nice when you think about it, it's appealing. But then when you start getting closer, it's like okay, well, what is this actually going to look like? What is it going to mean for my life? And sometimes I don't even think self-sabotage is even the fear of failure. Like Yes, it can be I think it's the fear of success as well. You know, so and I'm sure you've seen this in yourself, it could be online business, we were talking about it a little bit before we started recording. And it's every new level, there's a new devil. So when you start to have more success online, you know, you might attract more haters. So you're going to get those mean comments, and then it really makes you question, am I doing the right thing? Should I keep going? You know, are the people in my life? Are they going to be threatened by my success? Are they going to stick around? So that's another thing too, and we were talking about the clients and not being able to say no to the people in their life? So Oh, here I have the drink. Oh, you can have a little bit more, it's not going to hurt you. Oh, skip the gym, you'll be fine. You know, that is their internal world, their lack of maybe trust or belief in themselves being projected onto you. And if you don't have that inner fortitude, or wherewithal to say no, then you will allow that to dictate your behavior.
Amber B 19:16
So good and so common. I think a lot of people who are listening to this or like yeah, I've had that experience before. And dealing with family members is always like a question that a lot of people have, because that can feel really hard when somebody isn't supporting you. I think a really good question that you guys can be asking yourself as you're listening to this is, you know, what goals do you currently have set or what are you trying to achieve? And I think there is a difference between a desire to achieve a goal, a want, a hoping, a wishing for to be to achieve a goal and then a full like believing or knowing that it can happen. And I think that lack of belief in the inevitability of something happening or that it can actually happen is an indication of the amount of trust that you do have in yourself if you're like, I want that, but I'm not sure that I can actually do it. And that's kind of a red flag for that lack of self-trust.
Yeah, it's really ironic that you brought that up, because it's something that I talked about with my clients all the time. The first step is, I guess the first step is wanting it. And then the second step before you actually start doing the work is believing that it is possible. And one of my friends who you've had on the podcast, Jamie Morocco, she says, team no plan B. And I love that. And she's a really great example of someone who has so much trust in herself to do the scary thing, because she believes like one, I can handle it, I am going to be successful, and there is no other option. So she doesn't even allow that doubt to creep in. And I was talking to, again, a client earlier this morning, who is we're wrapping up our initial three months together, and she mostly was just working on the nutrition side of things. And I mean, she's made progress, she has not been perfect, there's definitely been some self-sabotage that has creeped in that we've talked about. But now she's actually going to start lifting. So I said, we built the initial foundation, developing better habits, developing a little bit of self-trust in yourself. And then now we're going to bring in the lifting. And I think that's really going to kind of make things all come together. So she was sending me a voice memo. And she said, I feel good about this moving forward, but you had asked me something, you know, in the previous voice memo, or I was basically telling her that in someone's journey or on someone's journey, it can kind of take two different roads. So either they can go one way, which is, yes, I've got this, I'm going to continue, or they start to see a little bit of progress. They freak out, they get complacent even, and then they fall off. So she said, I really don't want to be that person that falls off. But I've got to be honest, there's a part of me who feels like I can do the next three months. But what is the next six months? What is the next year gonna look like? What's it gonna look like when I don't work with Marci anymore, she's like, I don't even want to think about that, at this point, because right now, like her self-trust is not super solid. So my reply to her was, you can't even give yourself the option, that that is going to be your reality. So you gotta save yourself right now, I believe that I can do it, I know that I can do it, I will do it. And just keep telling yourself that over and over again. But at the same time, you have to back it up with the action, I think that's where some people go wrong, too, like you were mentioning, they broke those promises to themselves. So many times that's their inherent belief system at this point.
So you've really got to start rewiring your brain which is why I love journaling. I love positive affirmations because it's not woo woo, it's rooted in neuroscience. When you start telling yourself a different story and then you back it up with the consistent action now you are proving to yourself that you can do hard things. Now you are proving to yourself that you are trustworthy but if you keep telling yourself the same story which is I always screw up, I you know, I never reach my goal, anytime I get close I end up sabotaging it. Well then that's going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Which is another reason why I'm so, I'm a really big proponent of the language that you use, and being conscious about your word choice. So I had one person say to me recently, the scale is killing me. And I was like, No, the scale is not killing you. You're slightly frustrated by it. But you know, just- Yeah, very different. It's like you were giving way too much power to that scale. And if you think the scale is killing you, well then your cortisol is going to be through the roof and you know, your scale is not going to reflect what you wanted to say. So you know certain things like this are hard or I am anything that follows I am going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I am an emotional eater. I am whatever the case is. So really getting clear on or conscious of the language that you're using. Catching yourself in those moments, and then reframing and telling yourself or thinking a different thought.
Amber B 24:39
So good. Yeah, such important stuff. And so you've given some really good tips. So far we've talked about, you know, believing that it's possible whatever you want to achieve. It's possible backing that up with action, I thought was such a good, such a good point. What are some other tips you have for someone who's maybe listening to this and they're like, “Yeah, that sounds like me, like I, this is something I struggle with, I have a hard time believing things are possible for me. ” What are some other tips you have for someone who's listening to this and say, Okay, I need to improve, or I want to improve my self-trust, what is the next step for me.
So I think it starts with just keeping one or two small promises to yourself. So if you are struggling with self-trust, and let's say that maybe you want to leave your job, so you're miserable, just like I was, for 12 years, and you're like, I don't know what it's gonna look like, I don't want to leave the comfort and security of what I have, can I trust myself to do the next thing? Then just start by the simplest of actions. So maybe that's you get up every day and you make your bed, you drink a glass of water, you go for a walk, I don't care what it is, start small, because anything that is really big and overwhelming is going to be a threat to your brain, I mean, any change is going to be a threat to your brain. So when your brain feels threatened, and you're stepping out of your comfort zone, it's going to do whatever it can to pull you back. So if you start a little bit smaller, that threat is not going to feel as strong. And then once you build up that string of consistent actions, you're creating that momentum, then you can say, Okay, I am a trustworthy person. And it doesn't have to be, you know, a perfect chain of events every single day. like there might be one day where you slip up. But what's that James Clear quote, so something along the lines of, you know, one miss is like a mistake or something like that, but then two misses is the start of a new habit. So if you miss, just be like, Okay, I'm human, it happens. But I'm going to take the next right considered action, I'll get right back on track, and then you keep that pattern going. So just starting small. And then once you have been consistent with that, add the next thing, add the next thing, and then slowly kind of try to increase that thermostat that we were talking about earlier, and do something that's maybe a little bit more uncomfortable, a little more challenging.
So you were asking me about what some examples could look like. And I mean, I believe that everything starts with fitness and food. So that's kind of the foundation so a lot of the habits that I have people you know, do is Yeah, drink water, go for a walk, get in a workout. But maybe it's you know, go to a new gym, put yourself out of your get yourself out of your comfort zone, that's one place where a lot of people really struggle is, oh, I don't want to go to a gym because everyone's gonna be looking at me, they're gonna be judging me. And it's like, Okay, well when you step into that gym, because if you want to be this new person, you're going to have to unless you have a home gym, you're going to have to do that scary thing, you're going to have to start, you know, being a different person. So do something that's really uncomfortable, that puts you in a situation that you don't want to be in. And then when you see like, Hey, I survived and nothing bad happened. Now you start to develop that self-trust. Another example could be not saying no, or setting a boundary with something that can be so difficult for people because we live in a polite society, we want to be a part of the crowd. And we want to feel connected and anything that is a threat to that, you know, we don't want to do so telling someone whether it's as simple as No, I don't want that second piece of cake. I don't want the third glass of wine, or, hey, I don't like it when you talk to me like that, whatever that boundary looks like for you, that's going to be very scary and threatening. But when you can do that, I mean, talk about feeling like you were on cloud nine you know.
Amber B 28:54
Yeah, those boundaries are really really powerful. Really hard in some situations, but really really powerful. And I love that. I hadn't made that connection beforehand so I love that you brought that up of that connection between creating the boundary and and building yourself trust and I think you're right that You do have to have a level of self-trust if like I'm going to take care of myself I'm going to protect myself and I'm going to create this boundary because in the end it's going to be better for me and for that person as well. And I hadn't made that connection between self-trust and boundaries so I think that that's a really really powerful thing to consider and think about is like are you setting boundaries in your life are there are boundaries that you have hesitated on setting that really need to be set that would help to prove to yourself that you are there for you right like that you are taking care of you in the long run to build that self-trust.
You know, here's the thing and I'll use an example from my own life because I'll admit, I like to keep the peace if anyone is an enneagram aficionado. I am a nine.
Amber B 29:56
Are you a nine? I was just gonna say, Are you a peacemaker?
I'm a peacemaker. So Marci does not like complex and confrontation, which, you know, can make boundaries very difficult for me. And it's not the boundary or the lack of boundary is not because I don't have self worth, it's literally and it's probably goes back to childhood experiences where everything comes back to, I just remembered conflict feeling so unsettling to me. So that is like, probably still trapped in my nervous system in a sense, and I don't like the thought of what somebody's reaction might be. But I've gotten to the point where it's like, I can't live my life, worrying about how somebody else is going to respond. And most of the time, people are fine, you set the boundary, and they're like, oh, okay, no, I totally understand that's fine. And then again, that gives you self-trust. And then it also, it allows the other person to know that standing up for themselves is okay, so it's almost like a win-win situation. But I had an experience about six weeks ago with somebody that I was dating, who was not treating me very well. And I put up this boundary, and I got totally gaslit after that. And I was like, okay, you just showed me your true colors, like, I do not want to spend my time with you. And as uncomfortable as that was. And as much as I didn't like the response that I got, because you know, you can feel a little bit triggered at first. I was like, alright, I'm fine. Moving on. So most of the time, the boundary that you set, are you saying no, is going to work out in your favor, people are not going to be very upset. Sometimes you might not get the response that you want, or you it's more of a reaction. But you realize that you live through it, you know, you always can get through the hard things. And the more you put yourself in those situations, and maybe you do have to get through something that doesn't feel very good, the more self-trust you build.
Amber B 32:07
That's good. And I really see self-trust as a skill. I mean, it's something that you develop over time, like you get better, like, I don't think anybody walks out of the womb, like full of self-trust, I think it's an evolution. So are you willing to share what that evolution has looked like for you? Like, how have you grown in self-trust over time? What has that been like for you? How is that related to your health and fitness journey? You know, what have you seen in terms of that type of evolution in your life?
So I think it started with my health and fitness. Because this is another thing that people don't believe when I say it, I was overweight when I was younger, and I was very self-conscious, and didn't have a lot of competence up until about fourth grade. And then I noticed that my body was starting to change, I was putting on weight, I no longer looked like my friends who are now very tall and thin. They could eat whatever they wanted. So I started working out when I was 12 years old, and not knowing anything about nutrition. So my body was not really changing. But at least I was showing up for myself every day. So that has carried with me now through Gosh, but 26 years of always keeping the promises that I make to myself when it comes to my fitness, my nutrition that has never really been something that I've struggled with. I mean, I will admit I did develop a disordered eating behavior when I was in college. And I know Amber was the same age. So you probably can relate to this. But if we're looking back at the magazine, so Muscle and Fitness hers oxygen, I was looking at the women on those covers, and that is what I wanted to look like I wanted to be lean, I wanted to be muscular. And so I was showing up to the gym every single day, sometimes twice a day, so that I could look that way. And then I was also following their diets to a tee which was basically, you know, egg whites and oatmeal and chicken and broccoli. Little did I know this is basically a competition prep diet, or just a competition plan in general. So my joke is most people go to college and they lose the fat or they gain the freshman 15, I went in I lost the freshman 15 so I was probably gosh, 95 pounds just was not a good look. It was very unhealthy. I have suffered the health consequences of that and I'm still dealing with them to this day. But it was for no, like no fault of my own. And I didn't know any better. I was just doing what the magazines told me to do. But I think that's where my self-trust did develop because I never missed a workout. I was very strict on my diet. Like, I've never been the binge or the emotional eater, if anything, it's been the opposite where it kind of was using food and restriction as a form of control. But it still did prove to me that, okay, I can do hard things. I can, you know, stick to this plan. So that's where mine really developed.
But I think I lacked a little bit of it when it came to business and just like my professional life. So I said earlier, where when I was in college, I had to have people do projects for me. So I had no self-trust, when it came to doing things that were maybe difficult or out of my comfort zone, like, okay, you can figure this out, it was like the epitome of a fixed mindset. So rather than just like saying to myself, alright, I'm going to keep at this until I do it, even if it's not perfect, I'm still going to turn it in, I was outsourcing it to somebody else in my class, and like, just do it for me, I don't wanna have to think about it. So I think, you know, going into business, like the corporate world, not having a lot of self-trust, because I had never done it before. So I was just, like, thrown to the wolves, like, here you go figure it out. And even in that situation, having to rely a lot on the people that I worked with, or my own to help me get through a meeting or a certain situation, rather than trying to figure it out on my own. So it's interesting, I think we can have a growth mindset in certain areas, and then we can have maybe a fixed mindset and other areas, or, though I still see where that fixed mindset comes up for me in my professional life. And I'm definitely, you know, trying to overcome that. But I'll never forget, I tell the story all the time. I started doing the infographics. And that is the reason why my account, you know, kind of blew up all those years ago, and I gained a lot of followers right away. But I was having a conversation with Jordan Syatt. And he was a mentor of mine as well. And I was putting out content consistently, but it was you know, poorly lit food, photos, pictures of my dog, the occasional workout. And I'm like, why am I not getting clients? Why are people not engaging with my content? So I had this conversation with him on the phone. And I said, Jay, do I have to do these infographics? And he said, Well, Marci, you don't have to do anything. But I would strongly encourage it, because I think that you're sitting on a goldmine. And if you can get in right now, before, you know it gets really saturated, then you will do very well, like so that being said, I want to see an infographic on your page by Thursday, and our conversation was on Tuesday, I immediately went back to college, where but I'm not creative, I can't do these things. But I also said to myself, I don't want to let him down because he's taken this time to talk to me. So I'll figure it out. And I did it looks awful like a monkey could have done it. But it got more likes than I had followers. And I said, Okay, there's something to this. And then that was the evidence that I needed that, alright, I can do this, I built that little bit of self-trust, I did the hard thing. I figured it out. And then from there, you know, it's allowed me to grow more in my business.
Amber B 37:15
That's such a good story. I love hearing that because I think you said something so important that I want to make sure I reiterate, so people hear it. And that is that you can have a growth mindset in one area and a fixed mindset in another. And so this, this evolution, and self-awareness is really important. If you feel like you've overcome something in one area of your life. It doesn't mean it's all fixed. Like there's like looking for it in other areas of your life and giving it that same attention. And you know, before we came on, Marci, you had talked about how fitness can be such a catalyst for so many other areas of your life. And because you were able to get over that fixed mindset in your health and fitness journey, you were then able to see when it came up and appeared in your business and be able to apply some of the same tools and understanding that you had learned from your fitness to your business journey. And I think that we're able to get over it faster. You're able to like uplevel faster in other areas of your life because of that.
Yeah, absolutely. And I see clients all the time, so people who have a lot of success in their personal or professional life. So they're married, they've got kids, they have a really high-powered job, yet they have a horrible relationship with their food. They can't show up for themselves when it comes to their fitness. And sometimes I was like why is it so frustrating? I don't understand. And then I even had to look at myself and because everything is not a mirror, or excuse me, it's not a window, it's a mirror. So anytime we're maybe projecting onto someone else, we have to look at our own self. It was like okay, there are areas of my life where I understand like maybe I have it all together with my food and my fitness but I struggle a little bit more other areas, but I always tell clients, or you know, really anyone that I'm talking to when it comes to this stuff, people who do not believe in themselves, look for the evidence where you do have self-trust, look for the evidence aware you do show up on yourself where you are consistent. And even if you have more of a fixed mindset in this other area that you want to work towards, it doesn't mean that it is impossible, because you've done it in other places as well.
Amber B 40:29
Yeah, I think about people who maybe struggle with consistency in terms of their eating habits, or in terms of their workout habits, and then asking yourself the question, like, are you consistent in going to work? Right? Like it's, and for most people, the answer is yes. And you can start to say, Well, why am I consistent there. Like, what has caused me to be consistent in that area of my life that I haven't yet applied to this other area where I'm struggling, and that's where we can start to take lessons and things that we've learned from one area of our life and apply to others. And that's when that growth really starts to expedite, because we can just use what we've learned and say, How can I bring that over to my health and fitness journey and utilize that to be able to make progress?” When we're talking about relationships with food, you know, you mentioned your like disordered eating. And, you know, obviously, you've evolved past that and kind of gotten a better relationship with food over the years. So for somebody who's maybe in that space, where they're feeling that restriction mentality, they're feeling like the less is better. They're stuck in this kind of cycle of, you know, I want to be as small as possible, and maybe not having that healthy relationship with food. What did that look like for you to improve that relationship over time?
Yeah, great question. So again, I very much came up in the clean eating era, where there was the black and white food list that was either healthy, unhealthy, clean, not clean. And I certainly fell into that trap. So when I was in my mid 20s-24, I hired my first online coach. So he gave me a meal plan to follow which we can talk about and how meal plans I do not think are optimal for building self-trust when it comes to your food, because it's basically just telling you what to do. So now if you go out to eat, and you don't have a meal plan, you don't know what to do. But I will say that what it did was it helped me no longer have that black and white thinking when it came to my food. Because the meal plan, like the foods on my meal plan, were ones that I had not eaten for a long time. So I was so carb phobic like I wasn't eating oatmeal. I wasn't eating potatoes. I wouldn't eat cheese. I mean, there were vegetables, eggs, and chicken. And that was pretty much it. And then like all the sugar free foods that you could consume as a way to curb my cravings. So I got this meal plan. And it's oatmeal and fruit for breakfast. It's, you know, something with cheese and almonds and all these foods that I was terrified of because I didn't have that trust around them. But once I started following the meal plan, I got in the best shape of my life. I was like, oh, there's something to this. So it was working with him. That allowed me to overcome my poor relationship with the types of food that I was eating. And then I think a couple years after that, I hired another coach. And we started to do the macros. So I no longer had the security of the meal plan. But now I was following the macros, and I could make the choices that were the most self-honoring for me. And no, I just learned how to do it. So was it perfect? No. And I did mention earlier, you know, I never really was someone who struggled with binge eating or emotional eating. No, that's not to say that, you know, there were not times when I opened up the bag of nuts and oh, next thing, you know, half the bag is gone. But it wasn't like a daily thing for me by any means. And so yeah, I think that giving myself the opportunity to mess up and know that it was okay and bring those “trigger foods” into the house because I was so terrified of certain foods and I had restricted them for so long that I had that belief that if they are in my sights, then I am going to eat all of it. And again a couple of times where it happened. And then it was like okay, curate your environment. So don't bring those foods into the house, I think is a band aid solution. It's something that I used to buy into. And, you know, maybe for some people it's that first step, but I do think that at some point you should be exposing yourself to the things that you don't trust yourself around because that's the only way you are going to develop that trust. So you can't build it if you don't try. And you have to give yourself-permission to slip up and overeat. But the more times you do try and you don't overeat, then the more confidence that you develop, and now you're like, Okay, I can do this. And oh, by the way, that food doesn't really give me the, like the same experience or kind of like emotional high anymore. And I can just kind of see it as like, Alright, food is food. And yes, it's enjoyable, but I don't need to eat the entire thing to feel satisfied.
Amber B 45:41
That's awesome. Yeah, such good stuff in there. Last question for you. What are some of your current health and fitness goals? Like what are you working on right now in your journey?
Oh, gosh. So I did say earlier that because of my disordered eating, and my exercise obsession, I screwed up my gut health, I developed an autoimmune disease, I tanked my hormones. So it has been a long journey digging myself out of that hole. I'll always have an autoimmune disease. You're a nurse, Amber, you know, like it's a chronic condition that doesn't go away, but I definitely have put it mostly into remission. And I have been able to kind of reverse my low thyroid, just with lifestyle, like not using medication. But at this point, my hormones are still not optimal. So I have a coach, Vince Pittsstick who means the man, he's my saving grace, he's the person who helped me turn my life around. I've been working with him now for about two and a half years. So we fixed my gut health we helped my like, I had Lyme disease, Epstein-Barr virus all of these just like awful conditions that were leading to me feel very bad for years like to the point where I felt that I was dying and I ran all the tests I did all these things and it was really scary that's probably another reason why I never really I stayed doing what I was doing when it came to the personal training because I was worried that my health was so bad that I wasn't going to be able to go and get a new job like oh what would happen if I get sick or you know all that kind of stuff so anyway, a couple years ago started working with Vince then we turn things around, I went into a fat loss phase because I gained a bunch of weight going to this powerlifting gym for a while and I got like ripped and so that was a really exciting and then now trying to come out of that it's been about a year and a half. So continuing to work on the hormones and in maintenance and maintenance is great you know it but like still trying to build muscle improve my physique but I don't have any desire to like do a fitness competition are competing anyway, but at some point I'll probably go into another fat loss phase just to see right like what have I built over the next or the past year and a half, but I still need to be focusing on my health, first and foremost. So that is, that's the most important thing to me.
And one thing that I will say because I've fallen into this trap many times it and I've had to learn that lesson over and over again is always believing that people cared more about how I looked and if I looked a certain way if I was lean, if I was muscular then I'm going to be loved, I'm going to be accepted, I'm gonna be safe. And you know one thing that I did not say earlier in the podcast is when I was the most in shape I was also married in my late 20s my husband left me he came home one day he's like “I don't want to be married to you anymore.” And I know part of that was because I was so wrapped up in my head I was so self-centered when it came to my fitness goals and how I looked that I really wasn't giving him the attention that he needed. So another thing was self-trust. Oh, you know you went from being in a marriage to now you're on your own gotta figure it out. So really you know what I like to say now is people care more about how you feel and less about how you look and that's something that I have to remember all the time like even when I you know maybe don't feel great in my body because I've done like I've gained a little bit of body fat I'm not as lean as I want to be just remembering that like your health is the most important thing. So that is it when it comes to my just kind of like physique goals and then business wise, just continuing to grow my one on one coaching business. I do have an assistant coach under me. I would like to continue to bring on more coaches under me. That's the way that I foresee myself scaling. I'm considering doing a group coaching program at the beginning of the year. We'll see if that takes off. But I'll talk to you about that Amber because it's not something that I've done before. Yeah, but yeah, so that's kind of where I am right now.
Amber B 50:07
I love it. And I feel like it's such a great way to wrap up this episode to like, come back to this conversation about health. And this idea that like it doesn't always look the way that you think it's going to look. And that doesn't mean it's wrong. You know, it's like a kind of a full circle moment doesn't mean that just because you're not focusing on a physique right now like this is this is where you need to be. And I think that's really wise. Last question for you is where can people find you? If they're, if they're like, yes, heck yeah, I want more Merci in my life. Where do they go?
So Instagram, Marci Nevin. That's where all of my content is created. And then I also have a podcast with two other women called the Decades of Strength. And you can find that on Apple and iTunes, the iPhone and iTunes, Spotify and Spotify iTunes.
Amber B 50:56
Awesome. Yeah. And I love the concept for that podcast, because you have three ladies who are in three different decades, talking about strength. And I think it's so wise, because there's a lot of people who are like, well, I'm much older than you. And things are different for me. And so it's cool to hear the perspective from the three different decades.
It really is. Yes, it's been great. So far, we enjoy it.
Amber B 51:16
Awesome. And of course, we will link all of that up in the show notes. Marci, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thanks for sharing your information with us. And, I really am excited for women to come away from this and start to think about this concept of self-trust, and how they can start to build it in themselves as well.
Thank you so much, Amber, it was a pleasure.
Amber B 51:35
I hope that you got a ton out of that conversation with Marci. I feel like she did such a good job of really starting to have this concept and idea of self-trust, why it's so important, why if it's lacking, it can be like a missing piece for a lot of people. And at this point, you're probably starting to see that as you build that trust in yourself, that trust that you are going to take action, that trust that you're going to follow through, that trust that what you say you're going to do gets done and gets accomplished. Once you build that, it's like game over. It's like this, the game shifts for you. If you think about your goals, like a game. It's like when you figure out self-trust, it's like you get an advantage in the game. I've been watching survivor. I don't know where I've been the last, like, you know, 18-20 years of my life. I want to remember watching the very, very first survivor ever, you know, back in, like the early 2000s. I remember watching the first season of Survivor and maybe even the second season . I literally haven't watched Survivor since I was in high school. And I don't know what made me like, pick up survivor and like start watching it. But oh my gosh, I've been non-stop watching past seasons of Survivor anyway, the reason I say that is because in Survivor, sometimes people find an advantage. And the advantage is that it gives them something in the game that helps the game be a little bit easier for them. And that's what I think of when I think of self-trust is like when you build that self-trust, it's an advantage in the game, it helps the game. It helps reaching your goals be a little bit easier for you. And isn't that what we all want? We just want it to be a little bit easier for us. So that's what I hope that you learn from this episode. Let me know what your takeaway was. Post it on Instagram and post on Facebook. Tag Marci, tag me, let us know what you're taking away from this episode and how you're going to apply it because you know by this point that the transformation comes with the application of what you just learned. So sitting here listening to this podcast is all nice and good. But if nothing changes, nothing changes. So don't be that person who just learns and never applies. Tell us how you're applying this. Tell us what your takeaway is and tell us how it's going to change things in your journey. That wraps up this episode of biceps after babies radio. I'm Amber, now go out and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.
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