In this podcast episode, I'm sharing a coaching conversation from our BAB Coaching Community. We provide specialized coaching within MACROS 101, and for those who wish to continue, our BAB Coaching Community offers both live and written coaching. Join me as I guide Natalie on prioritizing health amidst a hectic schedule. Our conversation explores differentiating between excuses and acknowledging reality, outsourcing tasks, and identifying genuine priorities for self-care. Let's delve into this insightful discussion!
Find show notes at bicepsafterbabies.com/304
- Difference between an excuse and working within the reality of a context 04:57
- The desire for well-being, shifts from chore. 09:18
- Prioritizing self-care as a reward 14:16
- Prioritize values, start with small steps 16:54
- Outsourcing tasks 21:39
- Natalie’s takeaway 24:39
You're listening to Biceps After Babies Radio Episode 304.
Hello and welcome to Biceps After Babies Radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PR's. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife and mom of four. Each week my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise, mindset, personal development and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in. Now, let's jump into today's episode.
Hey, hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of Biceps After Babies Radio. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke. And today, I'm bringing you another coaching conversation from our BAB Coaching Community. This is our only place that we offer coaching is inside of MACROS 101 and then if you want to continue on inside of our BAB Coaching Community, this is where we do live and written coaching and we help you to apply the concepts that you're learning to your own unique body and any of my clients will tell you or former clients will tell you that the type of coaching that we do inside of our program is very different from most and we dive deep, we work on some of the root causes of reasons that you're staying stuck and our coaching calls are, I think one of the best things about our program and it's what people tell us that they love the most is the style and the transformational style of coaching that they get inside the programs. And so I like to bring these to you, every once in a while on the podcast because I think it's really helpful to be able to see what it's like to be in a group coaching setting. Sometimes people are worried that a group coaching setting is like I won't learn as much or I won't be able to get as much out of it. And what I find is actually often people are able to get more out of the group coaching setting because as you're listening to somebody else get coached, you're able to be in the detached position where you're not in your head so much. I feel like when people are getting coached, often we're in our head and we're in the moment and it's actually hard, harder sometimes to process some things in the moment. And when you're listening to someone else, get coached., oftentimes it's a lot easier to maintain a neutral perspective and be able to really take in the coaching that is happening.
And I think you'll experience that as you listen to this really awesome coaching call that I did with Natalie and she asked a very, very great question which is basically how can I be healthy? How can I feel good in my body when I am so busy and overwhelmed and you know she's going to kind of list at the very beginning with her question a lot of the things that she's doing and girlfriend is doing a lot of things. She is real busy, she is real overwhelmed. And she you know, it's a valid experience and I think so many of you listening can kind of relate. You're like life is full and it can feel like trying to take care of yourself or trying to be healthy or trying to feel good in your body is like just adding another thing to your To Do List. And it just feels like I don't have any time for any of these things. So, some of the things that we talk about with Natalie are the difference between making an excuse and, you know, identifying with reality. We also talked about outsourcing and being able to figure out what are the things that you really have to do. And Natalie has a huge aha about this towards the end of the conversation that I think will really resonate with you listening because it is something that I think a lot of us just don't realize when it comes to our own health and where it fits on our priority list and the things that we can offload versus the things that we can't offload in our lives. So, this is a great coaching conversation. I hope that you listen and get a lot from it, especially if you feel like you are so busy that you just cannot fit one more thing into your life.
Okay, so I'm going to start by I'm just feeling like super emotional right now, so I might not get through this without crying but I'm just super struggling and I'm feeling kind of guilty and I just I don't want to say like Oh my gosh, I'm so busy because I know everyone's busy and I really hate that excuse and I don't like kind of like using that as an excuse, I'm just completely overwhelmed and exhausted right now and I want to get to my goals, but I just feel like unable to do so.
Amber B 04:57
Yeah, it's I mean it's very valid, very valid experience and I do want to make the point because I think it can be, I think words are important and I think it's really important to make sure that we're speaking about this accurately. There is a difference between an excuse and working with the in the reality of a context, right? Like what do you see as the difference between those two things? What's the difference between an excuse and working within the reality of a context?
Well, I think, you know like working in the reality of context, is like this is the truth about what's happening right now and an excuse to be like you're just blaming something else, you know, for what's happening to you and not thinking about how you're, you know, like what's really going on?
Amber B 05:42
That's, that's exactly right. An excuse becomes, it becomes a blame of an external like something external to me is the problem and it's releasing you of any responsibility, right? That’s why we excuse to externalize blame to something else.
And I don't feel that way, you know.
Amber B 06:01
And to be fair. I mean, we all do that to some extent, right? So like being aware of that is important, but that is very different from working within the context of a reality of like here are the facts about what are going on and they create constraints that I have to work with it. It's kind of like it's kind of like when you go into a soccer game like there are rules for the soccer game. You can't touch the ball with your hands. Like, that's the constraint. That's the framework we have to work with it. So you gotta figure out how to get the ball into the goal without using your hands and so it's the same thing it's like we all have constraints. We all have rules and a box that we have to work within and then we can still take our power back and say how can I work within this box. You know what do I need to do to be able to be successful in this box or is this the right time to be playing soccer, right? Do I want to play Football right now instead of soccer because I need to be able to use my hands you know that kind of conversation is the conversation that I hear you having in your head and I just want to verbalize it for everybody else, because this is such a valuable distinction between those two, those two things, and if most of us, if we're really honest with ourselves and we can do a little internal reflection. You know, when we're using things as an excuse and you know when we're using things in the context. So, getting really familiar with what's the game that I'm playing. What are the rules that I'm dealing with? I love it if you kind of like went through what are some of the, what's the context you're currently operating in?
The contexts are currently operating to get is my husband is away. He's in Canada and he's out of cell phone service like Katie would talk to him, I wanna farm. Farm Hobby farm. So I'm in charge of the three kids. The animals on the farm. I run a photography business. We own rental property. And we have a big unfinished house and I'm trying to manage all of that and myself. And I've been sick for a month and I'm back from vacation to Seattle to see my friend, so I'm a little behind on some of that stuff and I'm trying to refocus. I feel like I got into Beyond and I was excited about it and then I just kind of like didn't check in for a little bit. And now I want to refocus. But I'm really struggling to find to like to create the time to do as much as I want to do because I'm just flat out exhausted right now.
Amber B 08:45
Yeah, I mean, I'm exhausted. Just reading your list like.
My friend's that too.
Amber B 08:51
I mean, I look at that and I think. Yeah, it makes complete sense that you're feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, and like you don't have space for anything other than the things on this list. Right. Any one of these things on the list could be a full-time job. You said that I want to refocus on this and this is not meant as like a confrontational question, but what kind of understand more. It's like, why? Why do you want to focus on this?
Why do I want to focus on this? Because I really care. And I want to feel good. I want to feel good in my body and I hurt and I'm sick of hurting and I'm sick of feeling like stress. I just want to. I want to feel like my muscles and I want to feel flexible and I want to be able to feel good in my body because I've felt that in my life and it's a great feeling and I just make, I do believe at this point like I believe that I deserve that like I know I posted the circle that I was thinking about my WHY the other day and I didn't feel very emotional about it because, like, yeah, like, I think I deserve that at this point. And but I just can't get to. It's gonna sound weird, but I look at this like I guess maybe it's like time for myself, but as a reward, like as like I look at like spending time in Biceps After Babies and spending time working out is a reward and I only get to do that after I've done all my other responsibilities. And I also want to shift my mindset to thinking that it's a chore. You know, cause I get like 4-7 but I'm also struggling with like. I don't feel like I have enough room to even breathe like I want to spend more time with my kids and I'm like, I just cried to my sister-in-law about that a little bit ago, like, just feel like we're not even getting to the baseline right now, I just.
Amber B 11:05
Yeah, it's. It's hard to feel like you have all these things and I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, it almost sounds like you feel like you're not measuring up on any of them, right? So it's like not only do I have this list but it's like I'm not even doing anything on this list like super well.
Yeah. I'll look around like I'm doing all that kind of crappy. You know what I mean.
Amber B 11:26
I'm getting 49% on all of these things. Like now I need to add another thing to my plate that I like also, I'm going to like not have time for it.
Yeah. And it's like the thing that I'm trying to do solely for me. Like nobody else in my household right now is ruling.
Amber B 11:42
Well, so. So I do think it's interesting and. You know, I'm not saying that every time that we get sick it is because of the position that we've put ourselves in. That's absolutely not what I'm saying. But I do think that our body tries to communicate in us in ways that like to get our attention and sometimes getting sick and having a lingering sickness can be your body's way of trying to communicate with you that, Hey, like. It's like I tried to throw, you know, have you ever heard the, there's a myth of like or a parable of like when God tries to get your attention, first he throws a pebble and then he throws a rock and then he throws a boulder at you. And it's like if you can pay attention when God's throwing the rock at you then you don't. Or the Pebble at you. You don't have to get the rock or the boulder to get through it, us, but sometimes it's like. We gotta have the boulder thrown at us to, like, wake up and and recognize. Hey, that what I'm doing isn't currently working for me, and I have to imagine that even being sick for the last month has impacted all of these things, right, like. And so it's this idea of like is taking care of yourself, really a reward? Or is it a necessity in order to do all these things that you have on your plate to be able to do. If you were healthy for the last month. Because you felt good. And because you're taking care of yourself, would you have been able to be more successful and felt more successful in these areas?
Yeah, I mean. I feel like I go through phases where I have like a burst of energy and I could handle a lot and I could accomplish a lot. Maybe I probably overdo it and then I like. You know, really be endowed and honestly to really just kind of lay it out there. I've been talking to my husband for three years about like how can we have less on our plate? like I'm really trying to pay our stuff back that's not knowing that well. So like I've been thinking a lot about this like. What do I want to spend my time doing and how do I want to prioritize and like I just don't. I don't know how to remove some of this stuff.
Amber B 13:53
Yeah. I mean, because all of the things that you said are like, valuable things, right?
They’re alive. Yeah, they're not. It's not like like. I mean, I've gotta bowl the laundry too, but I didn't list out but. Like, yeah, you know I thought the animal like.
Amber B 14:13
Yeah, yes, yeah.
Yeah, they’re alive.
Amber B 14:16
And I would also say that you're alive as well, like, like putting yourself on that list is. Like your life as well. And we got to take care of you. Because if you died and all the other things die. Right. OK. So I do think this idea of like even just waking up to this idea, I mean, I think there's a lot of insight into what you just said of like, I view it as a reward to get to do this stuff rather than a necessity. And I think even just that shift of awareness around that, this actually really is a necessity. The sickness is showing me this how my body is showing me this. Like if I die, all these other things die that I'm trying to keep alive. So, like, this is something that is incredibly valuable. I was reading a book just the other day, and it's. This is not going to be a concept that any of you are just like, Oh my gosh, I never heard that concept. But I don't know it, like, really hit me hard. And I've been mulling over it over the last couple of days. And it's this idea that, like we all have values, right? We all say, like, my family is important. My health is important. My, like, my relationship is important. My work is important. Like all these things you say, like, these things are important to me. But where you can really see when the rubber hits the road of like what you actually value is what you spend your time on. And so you look at where somebody spends their time. And that actually shows you where their values are, and for me that was just a it was a reminder of, like I say, these things are important. Am I also prioritizing my time around these things that I verbally say are important? Are they? Are they really important to me? Because where I spend my time is? It indicates that and. I think that doesn't have to be like it doesn't have to be a guilt inducing thing, but it is a reality check for. us of looking and saying. You know Natalie, like I think if you asked most of us, we would say that our health is important. But when we look at where we're spending our time, is it actually? Is it actually on the list of things that we're doing that's spending our time. Because that's what's actually communicating.
Yeah. No, I totally see that. That's what I wanted. Yeah, shove into my brain.
Amber B 16:26
Yeah, yeah. So then I think the question becomes how, how do we do it? Right, and I think a very common experience is feeling like and then this is where like the all or nothing thinking comes in for a lot of us is like if I'm going to do this. If I'm going to be healthy then that looks like ABCDEFGHIJ, like all the things and then and then that's overwhelming. And then it's.
Yeah, I had that.
Amber B 16:54
Like we're full circle back around. And so I think we can say this is what I value. This is what I want to spend my time on and we can start with baby steps in that direction rather than feeling like it has to even be. Even 20 minutes a day. It's like, can I take 5 minutes for myself today? What would? What would taking 5 minutes of to feel better in my body? What would I do with those five minutes? because that's what I heard repeated over and over and over in the words that you used and the way that you painted the picture is like. You want to feel good like you want to feel good. You want to feel healthy, you want to feel strong. You wanna feel capable. You wanna feel able. You wanna feel not sick.
Amber B 17:37
And that doesn't just happen accidentally, especially when you have all these things on your plate. We have to be intentional about how we're creating space to feel good. And so I wonder. Even when I ask you that question right now, if we were just going to come up with today, if you were going to spend 5 minutes to feel better in your body. What would you do with those 5 minutes?
I put dumbbells on the porch so that when I'm waiting for the bus I could at least do some bicep curls.
Amber B 18:10
I and like the only reason I haven't been doing that because I did that like a while ago is my mother-in-law has been here visiting. And I was like, trying to chat with her. Like I know I could have been lifting the dumbbells while I was chatting and I was like also trying to give her a little bit of attention in time because I was like running around like a crazy person and I was like I should sit with her and talk to her for these 10 minutes, you know or I got to go do this, you know, so that's my like lighting easy step to start with.
Amber B 18:48
How good are you at asking for help?
Not great. OK. I mean, sometimes they, I mean she's, she was here and she watched the kids sometimes so that I can get to certain things. But also like I know like there's a lady at church that she's she was like. She helped me before I left for my trip. And she's like Oh, I can come after your trip and help me get caught up, but I just like I could call her. But I feel really bad like calling her and be like, come do my laundry, you know. But she wants to but I don't want to ask her because, you know sometimes, like, it's just easier to just everybody leave you alone and do a little bit of it yourself because you don't have to like train people to do it or there's that.
Amber B 19:36
Yeah. Yeah, it's a little bit of a lie we tell ourselves with a little bit of truth mixed in that. My mentor always says you have to slow down to speed up. So it's this idea that like, yes, would it take a little bit of time to like train someone to do it, yes. But like slow down, it allows you to speed up on the back end because once that person's trained, it allows you a lot more time and freedom. So
Yeah, I don't used to do that because they used to have, I used to hire like a college student to come two days a week when I was running my photography business more, and I would train them to do stuff around the house and they would take care of like kids for the two days that they were here and I took the time to train them. But like this lady is just the lady that wants to help me and likes me at church and I don't want to, like create that relationship with her where it's like she's my, you know, you know, house cleaner or whatever. And I just got, like, I literally just came back from the airport dropping my mother-in-law. So like, since I've been home from Seattle, she's been here. So I kind of feel. Like I just need a few days everybody leaves me alone, you know, and I could just go with my speed, but. Yes, I know I could ask for help. And I will like to but I need a few days like just to.
Amber B 20:51
Yeah. And that makes sense. One question that I think might be really valuable for you to ask yourself throughout this next week. This is just kind of a question I want you to keep asking yourself is, Am I the only person who can do this?
I have, yeah, I have thought of that. Because I have thought of this. I thought of the like, Nat, ask for some help you know and I'm like. You know what, I will, I'll call Casey next week and see if she can come help me. And you know. I but I just want to get through. Yes, I agree. Like there are certain things and I can let things go like. I can let the laundry go. I don't care how people fold it. You know, I can let that I can let anybody go. But like, I'm not going to ask somebody to buck the pigs die, you know, like but.
Amber B 21:39
Yeah, well, and why the, and so it sounds like you've already asked this question a couple times, but why this question is so valuable to keep asking yourself as you go throughout the day. Am I the only person who can do this thing? is because there are likely still things that that you're blind to that that could be out first and so by continuing to ask yourself the question, like you may you, it sounds like you've identified some things that you could have somebody else do. My guess is there's still at least double, if not triple more that could be outsourced that you're just not aware of yet, because we just give someone that mindset of like, this is just what I do. This is who needs to do it and like it has to get done and blah blah blah. But when we saw ask ourselves that question, do I have to be like, yes, this has to get done. I have to be the one doing this. We start to get our brain starts to try and answer that question. We get creative and we come up with other solutions of like, yes, the pigs have to be mucked. Do I have to do this? Could there be another way? Could. And again, I'm asking you stay in creative mode because oftentimes we like shut down. It's like Nope, I have to be the one doing it. It's like, don't flip to that it's like creative mode. What could it look like? Who could help this? do I have to be the person doing this? what else could it could be implement? That's kind of the space that I just wanted you to stay in over the next week and I say a week because a week kind of gives you a period of time where you do all the things that you have to do in your life and it's like continue to ask yourself that question. Like and the one of the reason that question is so valuable Natalie is because when it comes to your health, it's like one of the things that you can't really outsource, right? It's like, am I the only person who can lift these dumbbells so that I can make my muscles stronger?
Yeah. You are so right.
Amber B 23:32
Stuff like that ,you can't outsource that kind of stuff. You know, to other people. Now there are ways to outsource aspects of it and things like that. But like when it comes to you being your healthy self and feeling good in your body, it's not something you can outsource. And so are there other places we can outsource so that you can, we could do that.
I can think, yeah, like I could probably outsource some of my editing for photography, you know. Just get. Yeah. Yeah, because you are the only one that can you know eat the food and looks great and do the thing.
Amber B 24:06
Wait, you know, I guess. You can't make someone sleep for you.
Amber B 24:12
Right, right. You're the only person who can sleep for yourself like destress yourself, I mean, like the list goes on and on. Right. Like, health is something that like, 90% of it is something that you have to do. And we can't outsource it.
Maybe that's a good way to like. let that come up by priority list, yes.
Amber B 24:30
Yes, OK. I would love to hear from you, what are some of the things that you're taking away from this conversation?
Definitely that last bit that like health is you know, it's certainly something that you can't outsource, but there you know, I've thought of the fact that there's other things that I can. And just maybe. But I never thought about that. I can't outsource my own health. And so I really need to move that kind of helps me move that up the priority list and the like, OK, what do I really, because I've been asking myself for like 3 years, what do I want to spend my time doing and who do I want to be and all those questions and I know what I want. So now let my actions really show that. So if I really want to be focusing on my fitness, spending time with my kids, well, outsource the editing and don't worry about if the kids’ playroom isn’t clean and ask the lady from church to come help me with my laundry like it won't kill me, and she'll probably be happy, she likes being here and you know don't feel bad about. I like feel bad if I ask for that, but I get to do fun things. You know what I mean? But I mean, I guess that's people like I wouldn't feel that way about. I'd want the other person to do something fun. And I just have such a hard time turning that back around and saying, like, I want my friend or someone I care about to have that joy and they want me to have that and that’s OK
Amber B 26:04
Yeah. Well, if you think about it as a gift, basically what someone's doing is trying to give you a gift, and you're like throwing it back in their face, like I don't want. I don't want your gift right? And so, it's an opportunity to allow someone to give you a gift like the person wants to give you a gift, who are you to refuse them from giving you? Again, I mean, we would all see that as very rude if someone tried to literally hand you a gift and you like throw it. They're like, no, I don't want it, we all very rude. It's like she wants to give you a gift, allow her to give you the gift. She's a very good. If she doesn't wanna give you the gift. She's not gonna offer to give you the gift. Like, let her be an adult and make her own decisions. But she's offering like.
She's like begging to come help me clean, I'm. like, OK, yeah. Like that sounds nice. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a really good way to think about it. The gift part, like you're right. Like if someone gave you a gift you wouldn't like, just hand it back to them some time and how it can be a gift as well.
Amber B 27:04
That's right. Yeah. That’s good.
I'm going to focus on these things. Alright, thank you.
Amber B 27:12
What a great conversation about busy lives and being able to make ourselves a priority. I love the realization that Natalie had at the end of that call of this idea of that she's the only person that can focus on and work on her health and fitness like she is the only person who can do it. Other people can do laundry, other people can do childcare, other people can, you know, help around the farm and things like that. But she is the only one who can take care of herself and her health and fitness, and I think that is such an important realization for us to have and I'm not saying that your health and fitness goals or aspirations have to even be the highest thing on your priority list, but it is important to realize that it is only you that can take care of that. And there are other things in our lives that we can outsource. So, I hope that that was a big aha moment for you as it was for Natalie. What a great conversation, and I hope that you're able to take something away from it. Like I said before we started, oftentimes I find that when you're listening to someone else get coached things become a lot clearer and that is the experience that I really see with group coaching. So, if you're interested in being able to get coached by me and my team, I highly recommend getting on the wait list for MACROS 101 by going to bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist. That wraps up this episode of Biceps After Babies. Radio. I'm Amber, now go on and be strong because remember my friend, you can do anything.
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