SHOW NOTES

In episode 111, we talked about how to create a plan that's going to really be effective for you. So today, I wanted to dive into kind of the next step and I think this is one of the biggest problems that I see a lot of women struggling with is the execution of the plan. We're gonna dive into why you struggle to stay on your plan, why you can create a plan and then struggle to execute on it, and how we can figure out how to be more effective in that, how we can be more effective of making a decision or having a plan and actually executing on that plan. 

Find show notes at bicepsafterbabies.com/115

Highlights:

  • The struggle on staying on the plan (5:24)
  • Self-sabotage  (6:31, 28:42, 30:01)
  • You didn’t clarify a finish line (9:04)
  • You didn’t define success specifically (10:58)
  • Process goal and outcome goal (13:19)
  • You didn’t create a strategy (14:30)
  • Explore and exploit (17:45)
  • Your plan was too restrictive (18:29) 
  • Restriction is a choice and a perspective (21:50)
  • Your definition of success required perfection (25:48)

Takeaway:

So I hope that this was valuable to you. I hope that it helps you to have a little bit of introspection with your goals with some of the actions that you're taking, and with some of the behaviors that maybe you've seen as you've started to try to uplevel yourself, have you started to make changes as you started to try and go through this transformation process, this is inevitable. It's part of the process. There's nothing wrong with self-sabotage. There's nothing wrong with setting a plan and not following through, that's part of the process is learning how to move past that, learning how to go through this, not just avoid it, to go through it on to the other side. Because that is where the results that you want to lie. That's where the change happens is as you learn to walk through this, not just avoid it. So I hope that was helpful. I hope that you were able to take something away from that and that you're able to start applying these things to your life because it's all well and good to sit here and listen and to nod your head and be like, Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. And it is that next step of actually applying this to your journey and to your life that actually ends up making a difference. 

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Introduction 

You're listening to Biceps after Babies radio episode number 115.

Hello and welcome to Biceps after Babies radio. A podcast for ladies who know that fitness is about so much more than pounds lost or PRs. It's about feeling confident in your skin and empowered in your life. I'm your host, Amber Brueseke, a registered nurse, personal trainer, wife, and mom of four.  Each week, my guests and I will excite and motivate you to take action in your own personal fitness as we talk about nutrition, exercise mindset, personal development, and executing life with conscious intention. If your goal is to look, feel, and be strong and experience transformation from the inside out, you, my friend are in the right place. Thank you for tuning in, now let’s jump into today’s episode.

 

How to create an effective plan 0:50  

Hey, Hey, Hey, welcome back to another episode of biceps after babies radio, I am your host, Amber Brueseke and we are officially 10 days out from Christmas and getting close to closing out 2020 and rolling into 2021. And I don't know about you, but 2020 was not the year that I expected it to be, there was a lot of stuff thrown at us. And we've had to kind of learn to live with and roll with. And I am kind of excited to roll into a new year. And let's see what 2021 has to offer us and hopefully in some ways, it will be a little bit better than what 2020 did for us. So as we roll into Christmas and into the new year, I know that a common refrain is one of a little bit of worry and a little bit of stress and a little bit of what the heck am I doing with my fitness goals over this time. If you have not listened to episode number 111 titled How to Succeed In Fitness During The Holidays, I highly suggest you go back and listen to that episode because I talked about creating a plan for success. And really defining what success is and how to go through and create a plan through, you know, this time period when it is for a lot of people, it's the cycle of gaining weight during the holidays, hitting the new year and then having to lose weight. And that's a cycle that they've repeated a lot of times. So if you haven't listened to that episode, it's definitely one to go back and re-listen to or listen to for the first time because I do talk about how to create a plan that's going to really be effective for you

 

The problem in executing the  plan 2:33 

So today, though, I wanted to dive into kind of the next step. Because if you're like most women, you've created a plan before or you've had a plan, right, you've had a meal plan or a diet or you went to a party with a plan to not eat the food. And I don't have to tell you that just because you have a plan doesn't mean that you're going to follow through with the plan and I think this is one of the biggest problems that I see a lot of women struggling with, is they create a plan. That's not the hard part, the hard part isn't necessarily creating the plan or having a plan,  it is the execution of the plan. It is following through with the plan. And this is where a lot of women struggle. And so that's what I wanted to talk about in today's podcast episode. We're gonna dive into why you struggle to stay on your plan, why you can create a plan and then struggle to execute on it, and how we can figure out how to be more effective in that, how we can be more effective of making a decision or having a plan and actually executing on that plan. 

 

Celebrating another Podcast milestone! Thanks for the 1000+ reviews!  3:44 

Now, before I dive into today's episode, I do just want to take a moment and thank those of you who have taken the time to leave a review on iTunes. We just hit 1000 reviews not too long ago, which is amazing. That's such, you know numbers are funny, we have like, I don't know why 1000 is a cooler number than 999. But it is right in our mind, there are these like numbers that are like milestone markers and 1000 reviews was a milestone marker. And that is thanks to those of you who took the time to leave a review and so I am grateful for that. That does help, you know, social media and algorithms. We're all, it's all algorithms that drive everything in our lives these days but it really does help the podcast. It helps us reach more people. It helps more people to find the podcast. And so for those of you who have left a rating and review on iTunes, thank you, thank you. For those of you who have mentioned the podcast or shared the podcast with your friends or shared it on your social media account. I just want to take a moment to say thank you for that. It really, really does make a difference. And it really helps to grow the podcast and when I sit down and record these episodes, I think about you guys and I think about the people who are listening to this and I think about what are the women who are listening to this need to hear and that is why that's how I come up with topics and that's how I record episodes. So if you have done that, thank you, if you haven't left a rating and review, will you take two minutes, three minutes of your time and do that now, if what I'm putting out there has been helpful to you, if you enjoy it, the content has been beneficial to you. I just asked that you leave a rating review because it really really does help the podcast. 

 

The struggle on staying on the plan 5:24 

Okay, so let's dive into today's topic, Why can't I stay on plan. And, as I said, if you're like, most women, this is a struggle. And I don't even think it's just, I think it's just a human struggle. I know, it's just a human struggle, we all say I'm gonna do this and then don't always do it. Like this is not even just in the fitness realm, but it's when we go to work, and we procrastinate things at work, or when I was in college, or in high school, and I say, I'm going to do this, and then you don't do it. So this is a human phenomenon. It's not something that is inherently a problem until it prevents us from some of the longer-term goals that we have. And so that's when we start to label this as a problem of like, I want to do X, Y, and Z, because it's going to drive me towards the long term goals I have and then when you don't do it, you're sacrificing those longer-term goals. And that's when we kind of say, well, this is a problem, right? Because what I'm doing in the short term is actually sabotaging me from getting the long term results that I want. 

 

Self-sabotage 6:31 

And I call this is what I term self-sabotage, this idea of like I know what to do, but I don't actually execute on it. And we dive a lot into self-sabotage inside of Macros 101, it's one of the big things that I coach clients on how to move past self-sabotaging behaviors because it is for most women, I would say, the thing that is keeping them from the results that they want. We all know, in order to lose weight, you need to exercise and eat healthy, like we, like everybody knows that. And if knowledge was the thing that you needed to change behavior, then we would all have six-packs. But it's not just knowledge that is keeping you from getting the results that you want. It is oftentimes that self-sabotaging behavior, you know what to do, and you don't execute it. And so we're going to dive into why that is, and more importantly, what we can do to circumvent it, what we can do to create a plan and actually follow through with that plan and actually execute on that plan. And most importantly, move towards the goals that you have and want. 

 

Macros 101 program will be on Feb 1 of 2021 so make sure you are on the waitlist 7:40 

Now I mentioned Macros 101, most of you know that that's my signature coaching program. Doors are currently closed, we only open a couple of times a year. And our next round of Macros 101 will be opening on February 1 of 2021. So if that's been a program that you've been eyeing, or you want to get help and coaching from me, and help with hitting whatever fitness goals that you have, help to create that customized fitness plan, that plan that is created specifically for you, your body, your goals, and your lifestyle, then macros 101 is the place to be able to do that. So if you're not on the waitlist, I highly suggest getting on the waitlist to make sure that you do not miss out because we are only open for a very short time. And then we close doors and we get to work. So you can go to bicepsafterbabies.com/waitlist. And that will get you on the list for Macros 101.  And like I said, we dive way deep into self-sabotage, we're going to hit some of the surface level stuff today. But we did way deep into self-sabotage inside of that program. 

 

5 reasons why you can’t stay on plan  8:43 

Okay, so I have five topics that we're going to talk about in terms of Why can't I stay on the plan? Why is this a struggle? And we're going to go through each of these and hopefully give you some really tangible takeaways that you can start applying when you are creating a plan for your success. 

 

No. 1 Unclarified finish line 9:04 

So number one, the one big thing that I see a lot of women struggling with, in their inability to stay on plan is that they have not clarified a finish line. Okay, and so I see this a lot, where people will say, I want to eat healthily, or I want to exercise more, or I want to have more energy. And then they feel like, you know, I haven't achieved that. And so I've failed, I'm not sticking to it, I'm not moving forward. And the real problem here is that they haven't actually defined what success is, they haven't actually defined what the finish line is. 

 

What happens when you don’t have a finish line? 9:45 

And if you don't have a finish line, a way that you will know that you've accomplished something. Then one you don't even know if you've gotten there, right you don't know if you've crossed the finish line because there isn't one and two, it doesn't give you any target to shoot for. So if you say I want to be healthier, I want to eat healthier. How the heck are you going to know how to do that if you haven't actually defined what healthier is? How will you know when you're eating healthier? How will you know when you've achieved that goal? And I see this so often with women that their goals are very nebulous. They're very ethereal, and they're not grounded in, actually, you know, here's my finish line. It's like, if you were like, I want to go run a marathon, and you just decided to go outside one day, and just start running, not having a path, not having a race route, not having a finish line and just being like, pretty sure I'll know when I've run 26.2 miles, like not having to track or not having anything and just being like, Oh, no, I'll know when I get there. I'll know when I hit the 26.2 miles. First of all, No, you won't. And second of all, like, you just have no idea where you are on that path towards getting to that finish line. 

 

Specifically define success 10:58 

When you establish a finish line, it gives you a target, it gives you a way to reverse engineer the process to get there. And so a really good question that you can start to ask yourself is how am I defining success. And here's the kicker, you get to define what success is. And you get to define success for what it is right now. So let's take an example because I know we have, I don't know, maybe not this year, a lot of years, you have holiday parties. And a lot of times people will create a plan for going to a holiday party. And then they don't execute on that plan, or the plan goes awry and they end up throwing up their hands and not, you know, coming home and being like, Oh, I didn't stick to the plan for the party. So we can start to ask ourselves the question of like, how specifically, it's one of my favorite words, how specifically, am I defining success? How will I know that this party was a success? And it can be ethereal? It can't be like, well, I'll know when I come home. I'll just know, let's know whether it's a success or not. No, no, we need a finish line, we need a definition, we need a specific measurement that will allow you to know if you've been successful. So that could look like, I will know that I'm successful when I fill my plate up once and I don't go back for seconds. Right, that's just an example. That's not that's, you know, maybe the definition that I chose for success for this party. But the great thing is, you can choose what your definition of success is. But until you get clear on what that definition is, you won't be able to meet it. 

 

Goal setting 12:39 

And when we get clarity on what that definition is, then we can move on to step two of what I'm going to talk about, which is creating a strategy to get there. But in order to do that, you have to be clear on what success is, you have to be clear on how you will know you've crossed the finish line on this, you know the little goal that you've set. If you have not listened to episode number 92, I’m going to give you some homework. And after this episode, go listen to Episode 92. It's my episode on goal setting. And I talk about the difference between an outcome goal and a process goal. 

 

Difference between a process goal and an outcome goal  13:19 

So what we're talking about here is a process goal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go and listen to that episode. And a process goal needs to be 100% within your control. So is it 100% within my control to go to a party to fill up my plate once and not go back for seconds? Is that 100% within my control? Yes, that is something that I can control. Let me give you an example of something that is not within my control, I would not want to set a goal that I'm going to go to this party and tomorrow the scale is not going to be up, that is not within my control. So this is the difference between a process and an outcome goal. So again, if you don't know what I'm talking about, go and listen to Episode 92 because that's an important concept. What we're talking about here is creating a finish line. This is a process goal; it needs to be binary, it needs to be very clear and specific to when you are crossing that finish line, and it needs to be within your control. Okay, so that's reason number one. Why you can't stay on plan. Well, you didn't define a finish line. You didn't define success.

 

No. 2 You didn’t create a strategy for success 14:30 

See now tried to find any success and see how that helps. And that leads us directly into number two. Why can't I see it on the plan? Well, my friend, you didn’t create a strategy for success. Hope is not a strategy, crossing your fingers is not a strategy, relying on willpower is not a strategy. Those are not strategies. Those are wishing, wishing is not a strategy. So we want to make sure that once you've created a finish line, once you've created an end destination, once you've created your version and definition of success in this moment or in this circumstance, then you need to create a strategy to achieve it. Now your strategy is going to depend on what your success is, like how you define success. If I've defined success as going to a party filling my plate once and not going back for seconds, my strategy to get there is going to be very different than if my strategy for Earth, if my goal is to go to the party and not eat any of the food at the party, those are two different definitions of success, and they're gonna have two different strategies in order to get there, which is why creating your definition of success is always the first thing that you want to do. 

 

Period of exploitation 15:54 

So when we create strategies for success, it's important to recognize that you're going to have a period of exploration, okay, you're going to be experimenting, you're going to be trying out ways to be successful. And guess what, they're not all going to work. And that's okay. That's how it's supposed to work. So for example, I keep using the party example, mostly because we're around the holidays. And because it's kind of a one-time event that a lot of people tend to struggle with. So we're going to take the party example, again, if you create a strategy for success for this party, and you go and try it, and it doesn't work, it doesn't produce the results that you want, that's okay. In fact, that's what's kind of supposed to happen. You are committed to the experimentation, you're committed to a period, a time of exploration, to figuring out what works. And sometimes one of the best ways to figure out what works is to figure out what doesn't work. It's almost like you're going into this room, and there's like, all of these doors, you got a bunch of doors in front of you. And you have to find a certain door that you just have to stumble upon. One of the best ways to figure out where that door is to start opening doors and figure out where it's not, right, because we can kind of cross off those doors and be like, Nope, it's not that door. Try the next one. Nope, not that door. Now we're like, slowly whittling down and getting closer to what the actual door is that you're trying to find. Okay, so think about it in that way, like you're casting this wide net, you're trying out all of these possibilities. And when you find a winning strategy, awesome, then you can keep applying that strategy and using it moving forward. And what's going to be a winning strategy for you may be different than what's a winning strategy for someone else. 

 

Explore and exploit 17:45

James Clear, in his book, Atomic Habits, talks about this concept of explore and exploit. So he talks about how we really should be exploring options. And we just explore options until we find something that works. And then when you find something that works, you just exploit, exploit, exploit. So you explore, explore, explore until you find something that works and then exploit, exploit, exploit. And that's really what you're going to be doing is once you've defined your definition of success, create a strategy for that success. You're going to be experimenting until you find a strategy that works for you and fits you, and feels good to you. And then you exploit, exploit, exploit that moving forward. 

 

No. 3 Your plan is too restrictive 18:29

All right, number three, the third reason why you can't stay on plan and is oftentimes that your plan is too restrictive. And this is so interesting, it's interesting how our brains work. I just find our brains fascinating. Our brains hate restriction, or I like in our brains to like teenagers. No teenager wants to be told what to do, especially by their parents. And maybe you've had that experience, or at least you've seen it in movies, where the parents expressly forbid the girl from going out with the boy, you know, the bad boy thinks they forbid her from doing that. And what is her natural tendency then? Well, she's gonna go out with that boy, right? It's like you tell me I can't do something. Then I'm going to do the exact opposite. And just like teenagers are that way. Our brains are that way. And we, we all have this streak of a rebel at us. Where when we are restricted for something when we can't have something it only makes us want more. And I'm sure you have experienced this. When you tell yourself, You can't have the Christmas cookie? No, you can't have the Christmas cookie. No, you can't have the Christmas cookie. Your brain is only like, now I really want the Christmas cookie. Now, I really want the Christmas cookie. Now I really want the Christmas cookie because that restriction breeds a rebellion. And that's just how our brains work. And so it's interesting that we tend to try to solve restriction and this fight that we have against restriction with more restriction. So it's like, I can't have the Christmas cookie, can't have the Christmas cookie. And we feel this rebellion of, well, I want the Christmas cookie. 

 

Don’t  fix restrictions with more restrictions 20:28

And so in order to fix that, oftentimes, we will be like, I just can't have the Christmas cookie in my house, right? We'll try to fix restrictions with just more restrictions. I can't even be near the Christmas cookie, I can't have anybody near me eating Christmas cookies, we tried to fix restrictions with more restrictions and that is the worst way to fix restrictions. It's like if you imagine your hand holding a bunch of sand and as you try to squeeze that sand and hold on to that sand tighter and tighter as it does, it starts to fall through your fingers. The tighter and tighter that you try to hold on to that sand and catch it, the more it falls out. And if you want to hold on to that sand, it's counterintuitive, but instead of holding on tight to it, you actually want to relax your hand, you actually want to release some of the restriction. And that's gonna allow you to hold on to that sand more. And so we don't fix restrictions with more restrictions. We fix restrictions in a couple of ways, removing it and or changing your relationship with restriction. 

 

Restriction is a choice and a perspective 21:40

I believe that restriction is a choice. Restriction is a perspective, it is a way you are looking at something. And the reason that I say this is because two people can be in the exact same situation. And one person feels restricted. And one person doesn't. I'd like to use my dad as an example of this. My dad is so funny, he's like, he's not a big sweet man and doesn't really like chocolate that much. I know, I said, I said he was weird. He doesn't really like chocolate that much. So you can take you to know, me, and my dad, and you can sit us down at a table. And the cake is sitting there in front of us. And I can feel restricted from not being able to eat the cake, and my dad doesn't feel any sort of restriction because he doesn't really even want the cake. And so we're in the same situation, that's the same scenario, we're both sitting there and, you know, not able to eat the cake. But I feel restricted because my perspective is I can't have it, and he doesn't feel restricted at all, because his perspective is he doesn't want it, he doesn't choose it. And when you understand this, you can see that restriction isn't a universal truth. It's a perspective, which means if it is a perspective, then it is something that can be changed, a perspective can be changed. So your perspective on food in a situation can be changed, which means restriction is a choice, the perspective that you can choose to hold

 

Coaching on helping clients deal with restrictions 23:22

And I do a lot of work with my clients and helping to move that perspective, from I can't have perspective or I'm not allowed to have perspective, so I choose not to perspective. And when you actually change that perspective. And this is not just about like, uh, I'm going to try and trick myself into it, of like, I sit there and I want that cake, but I'm gonna like trick myself and say, I don't want it or trying to, like, fool myself into saying, like, I choose not to have it, that's what I'm talking about, I'm talking about actually getting to a place of power in your life where it is really a choice where you can choose it, or you cannot choose it. And you have that full power to do so without shame and without guilt. And that's a lot of the work that I do with my clients and getting them to that place because for so many women shame and guilt is what drives the boat. Shame and guilt are what drives their choices. And using shame and guilt to make choices is one of the lowest forms, of empowerment in terms of making choices. So, you may have heard the term what you resist persists, It's very true in terms of restriction. If you are sitting there trying to resist, resist, resist that is only going to build that up more and it is when we can release restriction and or change our relationship or our perspective with the restriction that we are in a much more place with power. 

 

Too many restrictions set yourself to fail  24:51

So I bring this back because we're gonna circle back around to what I said, you know, number three was, which is that your plan was too restrictive. And I see this with a lot of people where they like overshoot like I'm gonna go to the party and I'm not gonna eat anything. Right? It's like, and they get to the party and then it's like, they eat one thing and then they're like, oh, I messed up, and then they throw their hands up in the air. Consider that one of the reasons that you're not successful when you create a plan is that you've created too restrictive of a plan. And I get it, we want to shoot for the moon. Maybe you're an achiever like me, and you're like, I want to reach for the stars, I want to do it right, I want to get there faster, I want to do it the best possible. But when you have that perspective, and you create a plan that is just too restrictive, you're setting yourself up to fail, because your brain wants to rebel against that restriction. Okay, so that's number three. 

 

No. 4 Your definition of success required perfection 25:48

The fourth reason that you are struggling to stay on plan is that your definition of success, so we're going back to number one of creating your definition of success, your definition of success requires perfection. Okay? You define success as, as perfect as like, I wanted this to go exactly perfect, exactly how I think it should have gone. And if you don't reach that level of perfection, then you now label it as a failure. And this is classic, all or nothing, mentality, classical nothing mentality. And I know I've liked giving you a lot of homework and a lot of podcasts to go back and listen to, but I'm going to give you another one because this is such a good episode, it's one of my favorite episodes. And it's Episode Number 58, which is called the sneaky all or nothing mentality. And I talked about in that episode, how the all or nothing mentality shows up in ways that you may not even be realizing because it's sneaky. And there are things that were like, Oh, yeah, that's the all or nothing mentality. And then there are things that may happen that you don't even recognize, are you defaulting to that all or nothing mentality so I talked about that in that episode. But this is an example of that all or nothing mentality if I'm not perfect, If I don't execute my plan perfectly, then then it's a failure, then, you know, I haven't done anything. And it's so funny that we, we default to this all or nothing mentality, because it's like, you saving up for a $10,000 car like pretend you're trying to save up for a $10,000 car, and you end up saving $9,000 it's like you calling that $9,000 a failure, right? You because You didn't save the 10,000, well, then you failed. But when you consider that you ended up saving $9,000 more than you would have had you not set the goal to save $10,000, you can recognize that it's not a failure at all, it's actually a success. 

 

Success is also considered when you are getting closer to the finish line 27:52

And so when you are setting your definition of success, when you are creating, what is your finish line, it's important to recognize that even if you don't cross the finish line, even if you don't hit that 100%, that definition of success, it's important to take a step back and recognize did you do more than you would have had you not created a definition of success. If you had gone to that party and not set an intention and not set a plan and not thought about it ahead of time. Would you have done worse, would you have not done as much and redefined in your mind as a success, a success is not just crossing the finish line, a success is getting closer to the finish line than you would have had you not created a finish line at all. 

 

No. 5 Self-sabotage 28:42

Okay, and then the last one is number five, which is self-sabotage. And like I said, we dive a lot about that. We talk a lot about this inside of Macros 101, I coach a lot about it inside of that program. So I'm not going to dive super deep into this. But I do want to hit on this concept of self-sabotage of knowing what to do and not executing it. And most importantly, why that happens. And why that happens is very, very simple. It happens because there is a benefit to it. There is a benefit to self-sabotage. Now you may be me wondering, Amber, when I say that I have a goal and I do something that keeps me from getting that goal. Like there's no benefit in there. There's no benefit in me binging, there's no benefit in me overeating. There's no benefit in me throwing up my hands and not finishing tracking the day. There's no benefit to that. And that's where you would be wrong. Because there is a benefit. There is a secondary benefit. Yes, it may be detrimental to your long term goals. That's kind of the definition of self-sabotage is like it's sabotaging those long term results they want. So yes, there's damage to that long term goal. However, there must be a benefit or you would not do it.

 

Benefits of self-sabotage 30:01

And this is where we can start to dive deep into what that benefit is, for a lot of women, there are a couple of really common benefits that I see. And maybe some of these will ring true with you. One of the first benefits that I see is that it prevents them from failing. Because if they set a goal, and they try to hit it, and they don't, that failure is scarier to them than actually just not trying at all, right? Because if I don't actually give the effort, and I don't hit it, well, then that's fine. It's like, but if I try and I don't hit it, well, then that’s a failure. And that means something. So one of the things I see is women self-sabotaging in order to prevent them from experiencing failure. And on the converse, I also see women who will self-sabotage, in order to prevent themselves from being successful. Because there is meaning or expectation that they created around success and that they're actually what they're truly scared of success. They're scared of what it's going to take. They're scared of what people are going to say. They're scared of what it's going to mean. They're scared of what if I get that success, and then I lose it. Right? So it's funny because we have this fear of failure but many of us also have a fear of success. And so you can start to see that like that self-sabotaging behavior, it is actually benefiting you in a way it's preventing you from failure, it's preventing you from success. 

 

Figure a reward that you will get by self-sabotaging 31:28

So if you're somebody who struggles with self-sabotage, if you've identified that you struggle with self-sabotage, and you find yourself being like, why did I do that? It's not in line with my goals. It's not in line with what I had planned to do. Why am I doing that? start to ask yourself, what is the reward that I get from doing it? And I will tell you, your very first response will be like, there isn't a reward. It's just dumb. It's keeping me from what I want. Yeah, it is. But there is a reward, or you would not do it. And because we understand our brains seek rewards. That's literally how we’ve programmed our brains are reward-seeking machines, there is a reward that your brain is getting from it. Oftentimes, it's safety and security. Because when we step out of our comfort zone, that's where we grow. But it's also scary. And so for a lot of times, self-sabotage is a matter of keeping us safe, keeping us where we're at keeping us from growth because our brain is here to keep us safe. And that's the reward that it's seeking. If you want to break the pattern of self-sabotage, if you want to fix self-sabotage, if you want to get past self-sabotage, one of the first steps to doing that is figuring out what the reward is. What is the reward that you're getting by self-sabotaging? And sit on that question, think about that question. It may not be readily apparent, but there is a reward that you're getting from it. And when you understand what the reward is that you're getting, that's the first step towards being able to move past it and break out of that self-sabotaging behavior, which is going to allow you to actually get to the results that you want. 

 

Summary 33:12

Okay, so just as a short recap, this question, why can't I stay on plan? What's wrong with me? Why can I execute the plan? Number one, it may be because you didn't clarify a finish line, you didn't define success. Number two, you didn't create a strategy, hoping, wishing, crossing your fingers, willpower, those aren't strategies. We want to actually create a strategy and this requires a period of exploration and figuring out what's going to be the strategy that's going to work for you. Number three, maybe your plan was too restrictive. Maybe you're trying to solve this feeling of restriction with more restriction. And you're recognizing that doesn't really work. And we talked about how restriction is a choice and it's a perspective that you can choose to hold. Number four, maybe your definition of success required perfection, and that you actually did move forward, you actually did improve but because you didn't reach perfection, you labeled it as a failure of like, I didn't meet the goal. Remember, the goal isn't necessarily to cross the finish line. The goal is to be closer to the finish line than you would have had you not created a plan for your success. And then number five, we talked about self-sabotage and figuring out what the benefit is, what that benefit is that that self-sabotaging behavior provides you because once you start to understand that benefit, then we can coach you through how to break through those periods and those actions of self-sabotage.

 

Takeaways 34:44

So I hope that this was valuable to you. I hope that it helps you to have a little bit of introspection with your goals with some of the actions that you're taking, and with some of the behaviors that maybe you've seen as you've started to try to uplevel yourself, have you started to make changes as you started to try and go through this transformation process, this is inevitable. It's part of the process. There's nothing wrong with self-sabotage. There's nothing wrong with setting a plan and not following through, that's part of the process is learning how to move past that, learning how to go through this, not just avoid it, to go through it on to the other side. Because that is where the results that you want to lie. That's where the change happens is as you learn to walk through this, not just avoid it. So I hope that was helpful. I hope that you were able to take something away from that and that you're able to start applying these things to your life because it's all well and good to sit here and listen and to nod your head and be like, Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. And it is that next step of actually applying this to your journey and to your life that actually ends up making a difference. 

 

Share your feedbacks 35:49

So I would love it if you would post a screenshot of this episode and let me know what's your takeaway? What are you putting into action? What are you taking from this episode, and you're actually going to take action next week to be able to start to take what you're learning and actually put it into practice. So take a screenshot, posted to Instagram, posted to Facebook tagged me at biceps after babies, and let me know what you're doing with this information and how you are putting it to good use in your own life. That wraps up this episode of biceps after babies radio. I'm Amber now go out and be strong because remember my friend you can do anything.

Outro

Hold up, sister friend. Do you love Biceps after Babies radio? If so, the best way to say thank you is to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review on iTunes. I know, every podcaster wants you to leave a review, but it's because those reviews help the podcast to reach more people. And I do truly want to know what you think. If this particular episode resonated with you, will you also please share it? Either send the link to someone who would find it valuable or take a screenshot and post it to your social media and tell your friends and family why they should listen. Make sure you tag me @biceps.after.babies so I can hear your feedback and give you a little love. And you know, if you aren't already following me on Instagram or Facebook, that's the perfect time to hit that follow button. Thank you for being here and listening to Biceps after Babies radio.

 

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